The Signs Are Everywhere You Look

Suicide Is Painless

Every Summer we venture out to Geneva-On-The-Lake (A local weekend vacation spot that time forgot) at least several times to get our fill of world-famous cheeseburger’s at Eddie’s Grill, super size french fries at Times Square Restaurant, and just plain old-fashioned good food down at the Old Firehouse Winery. I must have passed this sign at least one hundred times and never really took notice of it until the other day. It reminds me of the old television series M.A.S.H. and its iconic destination sign.

On a whim I decided to inspect the sign more closely. To my amazement, my secret Grassy Knoll Institute headquarters was listed on the sign. Holy Hell! How did Woody (The owner of Old Firehouse Winery) know the location of our secret lair?

However, I calmed down a bit after realizing that our headquarters were 666 and 2 tenths of a mile from the sign, not 666 miles listed on the sign. Our secret is still safe.

Speaking of secret places,

Geneva-On-The-Lake is open for business as I type.
If you like good food, visit one of the three places mentioned above.
If you like magic, visit Whipps Magic on the strip. Go there late at night, that’s when he’s open.
If you like Karaoke, Time Square restaurant lets you belt out your favorite tune nightly. If you like amusement park rides, sorry, Erieview Park was dismantled but the Ferris Wheel sill stands and is located on the cliff overlooking Lake Erie.
If you like donuts, visit Madsens.
If you like a good time, I’ll see you in Geneva.
If you want more information on Geneva On The Lake, just click the link below to transport you to the Archives.

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Coke Zero Balancing Act Video

This past Summer we visited Geneva On The Lake, a quaint local beach resort spot on shores of Lake Erie, Ohio. Patrick, the lead scientist of the Grassy Knoll Institute continued his research on the dynamics of gravity and carbonated liquid filled cylinders and caffeine. To correlate results from the first experiment, the same location, (Time Square Restaurant, Home of the largest order of french fries,) was chosen. However, this time, a can of Coke Zero was used instead of Classic Coke. The results were the same.

Notice the table was level, and no strings or pulley type devices can be seen. In a matter of seconds, Patrick balanced the Coke on its side and it did not tip over. He ran his hands over and around the can to prove that no strings or other devices were used to hold the can in place.

BTW, Yes, the fries were great as well as the cheeseburgers at Time Square Restaurant located in the heart of Geneva-On-The-Lake strip.

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Geneva On The Lake – The Landing

Geneva On The Lake - The Landing 2007

Geneva On The Lake, once a hot spot location for all ages lies dormant under a melting shroud of snow. In October of 2006 Erieview Park was ripped apart and sold piece by piece at auction. All that stood in the aftermath was a pile of rubbish and dirt piles.

When we returned in the Summer of 2007, on July 13th, our wedding anniversary, we found the above bill board posted where Erieview Park once stood. Reading the sign, it promised many wonderful attractions. We are still waiting for these attractions!

2008 brought bulldozers leveling the land and stripping away all that was left of the land. It became a huge dirt bowl and when it rained, a muddy mess.

In 2009, the Ferris Wheel returned positioned in a new place behind the Firehouse Winery. Rides were $2.75 each. The rest of the area was still a barren wasteland. As promised on the sign above, there was no Festival Plaza, no Boardwalk, no Amphitheater, no retail shops, no Food and drink locations, no Microbrewery. Only the Ferris Wheel. In three years time, only the Ferris Wheel.

Coincidentally, the sign above was taken down. Probably to avoid other people posting updates on it like this blog.

We will be heading up to Geneva On The Lake once again this Summer to have lunch at the Time Square restaurant and dinner at Eddie’s Grill. And to see the progress, if any on the promised Festival Plaza. I will report the findings of course.

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Geneva On The Lake – Past And Present

Geneva On The Lake 1960's

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In the 1950’s and 60’s, Geneva On The Lake was “The Place” to go for the Summer weekends. Geneva had it all. On the Geneva strip, there was a mile of shops, restaurants, attractions, even an amusement park. Eddie’s Grill, Madsen Donuts, Firehouse Winery, and Time Square restaurant famous for their pile of fries order. Geneva was where all the cool kids hung out, including the many motorcycle gangs that would congregate on the strip by Annie’s restaurant.

Below the strip was Lake Erie and miles of white sandy beaches where bikini clad babes would shake and bake all day. The water was clear and and non-polluted. There was a pier and yes, people would actually swim in the great lake.

Beach Entrance

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Flash forward forty plus years to the present. This twisted piece of rusted metal were once the entrance to the beach. These are the same white steps in the post card picture above.

The weeds are overgrown and it is not a well traveled path anymore. The steps are rickety but they still function.
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Lake Geneva 2009

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Referring back to the post card picture above. This is what the beach and water look like today. As you can see, the pier is gone, the white sand is gone, the foliage is now weeds. Gone are the bikini clad babes sunbathing and in their place, large cement breakers now dominate what beach is left. Erosion has won this battle. No one swims there now or rarely even ventures down to the so-called beach.

Geneva Erosion 2009

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Again, referring to the post card above, this is what is now at the bend in the beach. Round cement breakers litter the rocky eroded beach supposedly to eliminate anymore erosion. Not that it matters now.

The beach is dead. This is no longer a place where the cool kids hang out. In fact, no one hangs out at this place anymore. There are only the occasional few like myself that make the trek down the rusted steps and take in the now sad view that once was a beautiful place to visit.

Eddie’s Grill will be closing next week as Labor day signals the end of Summer and most of the businesses on Geneva On The Lake board up for the winter. For those in the area, now is the time to visit Geneva before it’s too late for this year.

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French Fry Economy Indicator

2006 French Fries

2007 Fries

2008 Fries

2009 Fries

The U.S. government relies to heavily on Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve for indicators on how the economy is growing or shrinking. The Grassy Knoll Institute introduces the Fry Meter Benchmark, a much simpler format to measure the health of the nations economy. The Fry Meter utilizes the large order of fries at the Times Square restaurant located at Geneva On The Lake, Ohio. The size of the portion so goes the size of the economy.

Please take notice of the photo titled 2006 Fries. The tray is piled high with thick crispy french fries signaling the economy is stable and robust.

Photo titled 2007 Fries still shows a large portion, but not piled as high forecasting a slight down turn in the economy.

Photo titled Fries 2008 is clearly a smaller portion than previous years indicating that the economy is on the verge of a recession.

Finally, the photo titled 2009 Fries is a mere shell of the previous fry orders suggesting the economy is in the clutches of a long recessionary period.

The government doesn’t need to spend millions of dollars to analyze data and forecasts of the upcoming soybean crop. Instead, they need to get down to Geneva and order up the large french fry and maybe a cheeseburger as well. It’ll do the economy good.

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