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Archive for the ‘Thought Screen’ Category

Thought Screen Helmet Haiku

Posted by LOTGK on May 6, 2013

You Will Make Me A Cheese Sandwich

A Thought Screen Helmet Haiku by the Grassy Knoll Institute:

What am I thinking,
Time to don thought screen helmet,
Evil aliens.


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Posted in Thought Screen | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Mass Alien Abduction In Progress

Posted by LOTGK on February 12, 2012

thought screen helmet abduction

Only One Wearing Thought Screen Helmet

An important announcement from the Grassy Knoll Institute to all those afflicted with M.A.A. (Multiple Alien Abductions)

Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.

Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy’s velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.

Don’t let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.


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Posted in Thought Screen | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

NFL Lockout Attributed To Alien Influence

Posted by LOTGK on July 17, 2011

Labor Dispute

Grassy Knoll Institute operative declare Thought Screen Helmet aliens have infiltrated the NFL and caused the lockout.

As the NFL lockout stretches into the middle of July evidence it is evident that thought screen aliens have influenced both the players association and the owners for their own ulterior motives.

With no training camp, preseason games, or regular season games in 2011, football fans will look for alternative activities to fill their daily lives. Thought screen aliens believe the NFL football fan will be more easily manipulated with plenty of idle time and will telepathically push them toward other interests that the aliens need to conquer humankind.

God, please don’t let the aliens be NASCAR fans.


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Posted in Thought Screen | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Eliminate Alien Anal Probes

Posted by LOTGK on March 29, 2011

alien anal probes

Eliminates Those Pesky Alien Anal Probes

From the makers of the Thought Screen Helmet suit comes a revolutionary product designed to eliminate telepathic aliens from conducting anal probes. The Grassy Knoll Institute proudly presents, The Thought Screen Helmet Anal-Eliminator. Once inserted you will feel safe and secure in the knowledge that no aliens will ever probe you again.

The A.E. (Anal-Eliminator) was designed for abductee’s on the go. No longer will you have to cower inside your home afraid of alien probes. As with all our products the A.E. is lined with velostat, that magical material that filters out any unwelcome telepathic connection between you and the aliens. The A.E. is encased handsomely in supple leather for your enjoyment and comfort. It will arrive at your door in an unmarked plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy.

Stop Alien Anal Probes Now! Order the A.E. Call 1-800-ANAL PRO. Operators are standing by now. Have your credit card ready.

But wait, if you order in the next 30 minutes you will receive as our gift to you absolutely free, (Just pay separate processing and handling) a Thought Screen Helmet for pets.


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Posted in Thought Screen | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Charlie Sheen Defeats Thought Screen Aliens

Posted by LOTGK on March 8, 2011

Tiger's Blood In My Veins

Actor Charlie Sheen, recently fired from his hit television show, Two And A Half Men, is set to reveal a bombshell concerning his recent behavior.

In tonight’s episode of Sheen’s Korner, Charlie reveals how he single-handedly defeated an evil race of aliens controlling people’s minds through telepathy. Sheen recounts his terrifying ordeal which started several years ago driving home late from the set one evening.

That evening, Sheen had an uncontrollable urge to drive his car over the cliff but somehow managed to hang on and steer the car back onto the highway. As the weeks and months passed, Sheen became more and more distracted, almost as if someone was reading his very thoughts and manipulating him to behave in unusual ways. (Almost like a prenup)

Sheen began to show up in the news for his erratic behavior, and the media, like sharks smelling blood in the water, were circling waiting for Sheen to fall. But Sheen had other plans. After all, he was a Warlock. Using his magical warlock brain Sheen quickly came to the realization that an other worldly presence was in his head and no form of exorcism could cast the demons out. Other mere mortal men would have succumbed to the torture and treachery of the alien influence. But not Sheen. He was all about Winning!

Flash forward to the present day. Charlie Sheen reveals tonight that with his fire-breathing fists and the tiger blood coursing through his veins at high-speed and low drag, he confronted the aliens in a duel of brain power never before witnessed.

Sheen unloaded volley after volley of his torpedoes of truth leaving the aliens retreating. At the aliens moment of weakness, Sheen realized, through close contact and interaction with him and his magical warlock brain, the aliens were high on the most powerful drug known to the universe, The Charlie Sheen drug. Within minutes, the evil telepathic aliens, made a hasty retreat with Sheen claiming victory. #Winning!

Sheen has moved on focusing his energy on the trolls under the bridge sneaking out in the shroud of darkness to sling unheralded barbs at him. But as Sheen was overheard just the other day, “For now, I’m just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.”

For Sheen, it’s all about the winning. Charlie, you may be 0-3 in the marriage department, but against evil aliens and trolls, you are batting 1000. #Winning!


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Posted in Thought Screen | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Grassy Knoll Institute

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\"They all say Doooh\"


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Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory


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