The Worst Movies Ever Made
Presented By The Grassy Knoll Institute Film Society
With the Halloween season just completed, I paid close attention to the TV stations promo’s for upcoming Halloween movies. I saw most of these so called “Classics” and mind you many of them were clunkers.
Going one step further, the scientists at the Institute decided to compile, (after many hours logged viewing movie after movie) the worst movies ever made.
These movies are in no particular order…..
“Glitter” starring Mariah Carey. Made the movie “Showgirls” look like an Oscar nominated film.
“The Tempest” starring Susan Sarandon. On advice by my older brother that this was a great movie, I took my date, my future wife, to see it. It was our first date, and almost the last. Only the goat Nino saved us.
“Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. Yes, I know it was supposed to be a spoof of classic “B” movies, but the jokes and timing were so bad and the props, paper mache tomatoes bouncing down streets were just pathetic.
“Halloween 3”. Thinking that this was the trilogy set of the original Halloween movies, I went and paid good money to be sorely disappointed. This movie was not even about Michael Myers, but about some stupid mask that turns people into zombies. A total lamo.
“Howard the Duck” A talking duck from outer space. No more need be said here.
“Plan 9 From Outer Space”. An Ed Wood classic. Aliens come to conquer the Earth but all previous 8 plans used did not work. Hence, the title of the movie. Plan 9 would raise the dead and use the zombies to destroy the earth and do the evil bidding of the aliens. It was also Bela Lagosi’s last movie. He died before it was completed and a stand in actor was used to complete the movie. The actor had to use a cape and hat to cover his face so as not to be recognized as not being Bela. I wouldn’t want to be recognized in this film either.
“Mars Needs Women”. Should have been titled, In search of a script….
“Legend of Boggy Creek”. I remember watching the promo ads on TV for this movie. It showed several seconds of a fuzzy out of focus ape like creature from a distance walking in the woods. The problem was, that was the highlight of the movie. There was no more actual footage of big foot. Just worthless interviews from a dozen or so eye witnesses.
“Queen of Outer Space” starring Zsa Zsa Gabor. A group of astronauts are blown off course and land on planet Venus and find it inhabited by women. Beautiful women, in mini skirts, and big hairdos. The plot thickens as do these movies do, and the queen wants the men all dead. Zsa Zsa helps them and is condemned with the men. The green sticky rock thingy that somehow attracts them and traps them is one of the worst ever movie props.
“Who’s that girl” starring Madonna. I guess this should be, any Madonna movie but this one tops the charts.
“The Gods Must Be Crazy”. The African jungle. A bottle of coke that fell from the sky. That’s about it.
“Nell” starring Jodie Foster. Dennis Miller, comedian said it best. You go see Nell by yourself.
“Cabin Boy”. It’s a wonder this stinker didn’t bankrupt and ruin David Letterman’s reputation. His company produced this clunker.
“Manos The Hands Of Fate”. Apparently Manos was an evil spirit, and the master of the house, or hotel, worshipped Manos. A hapless family stumbles into his clutches and seemingly become worshippers as well. Hard to follow plot. Terrible acting.
“Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot” starring Sly Stallone. The rise and fall of Rocky.
“Teenagers From Outer Space”. Classic story. Alien teenage boy sent to take over the Earth falls for beautiful Earth girl. The other alien teenage boys hunt down the renegade alien teenage boy with ray guns that have a two second time delay when pressing the trigger.
“Sgt’s Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band” starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gee’s. This was the death knell for the disco era.
“The Fog” starring Andrianne Barbeau. The monster was fog that swept bad people away. Reminds me of the movie “Play Misty For Me”.
“Laserblast”. Classic story of teenage boy not loved by his mother, harassed by the local sheriff, finds alien technology (A laser gun and strange broach that turned him green) and decides to take matters into his own hands. Classic.
“Mr. Nanny” starring Hulk Hogan. This movie clearly proves that Vince McMahon owns all the wrestlers rights and futures. Hulk sinks to low level.
Well, there you have it. Twenty classic stinkers.
Any that I left out or missed?
What are your worst favorite movies?
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