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Archive for the ‘Quirks’ Category

A Hummer No More

Posted by LOTGK on August 22, 2011

Bet You Can't

A Grassy Knoll Institute quirky little fun fact:
Everyone knows how to hum. (No, no, get your heads out of the gutter you dirty readers) But did you know that it is impossible for left handed people to hum while holding their nose closed with the left hand. And it is impossible for right handed people to hum while holding their nose with the right hand.

Go ahead, I’ll wait for you.
By the way, it doesn’t matter what hand you use.

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You Want Super Sized What

Posted by LOTGK on November 6, 2004

A lady was at the store and picked up several items and proceeded to the checkout. As always the case, one of her items was not priced. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word Tampax for thumbtacks. In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom,


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The Fan

Posted by LOTGK on October 30, 2004

It hums it’s perpetual song,
Not caring who was listening.
Pushing stale warm air for eternity.
It’s cord will indeed be used for punishment.

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Junk Mail Elimination

Posted by LOTGK on October 29, 2004

Are you like the Grassy Knoll Institute and fed up with receiving endless amounts of junk mail? Not just the political crap, but everything under the sun? If so, read on.To start, junk mail has become an enormous problem and is costing us, the consumer, a bundle of money, countless millions of tree’s, our valuable time, and filling our landfills.

In a time where the United States post office is complaining that email is fast becoming the preferred mode of letter transfer, one would logically believe that the mail system would be trying to lower costs and increase customer satisfaction. Instead, it appears they are doing the exact opposite. The stamp is now 42 cents and is ready for a rate increase any month now. Junk mail has also increased tenfold. Let’s send a message to the post office that we as consumers are not pleased with junk mail and want the post office to eliminate it from our mailboxes.

The following are tried and tested techniques that gives you at least some sort of satisfaction that you are fighting the good fight.

The Elvis Technique. (Return To Sender)
When you get those extra ads enclosed that are enclosed with your telephone or utility bills, return the same ads with your payment. It’s only fair that they dispose of their own junk mail garbage themselves.

The Piggy Back Technique.
As an added bonus to your bill collectors, add some junk mail of your own along with the junk they have sent you. Just about any paper will do. Maybe draw a little picture or two with some bright crayons. Maybe a funny man wearing a red hat. Let your imagination go wild. The bill collectors love this.

The Pre-Approved Technique.
Notice those pre-approved letters you receive in the mail almost every day? Instead of ignoring them, do not tear them up and throw them away. Instead, use the postage paid return envelopes. After all, the postage is paid if the letter is mailed and not if thrown away. I would rather make them pay for the junk mail they send me. This is a great vehicle to get rid of some of your own junk mail. Pile all your junk mail into these nifty envelopes, seal the deal, and send it on it’s way back to the sender. Make sure there is no paper that has your name or address on it. You can also just send it back empty. That should get them to wandering.

Any other methods? I’m listening!!!

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Worst Movies Ever Made

Posted by LOTGK on October 21, 2004

The Worst Movies Ever Made
Presented By The Grassy Knoll Institute Film Society

With the Halloween season just completed, I paid close attention to the TV stations promo’s for upcoming Halloween movies. I saw most of these so called “Classics” and mind you many of them were clunkers.

Going one step further, the scientists at the Institute decided to compile, (after many hours logged viewing movie after movie) the worst movies ever made.
These movies are in no particular order…..

“Glitter” starring Mariah Carey. Made the movie “Showgirls” look like an Oscar nominated film.

“The Tempest” starring Susan Sarandon. On advice by my older brother that this was a great movie, I took my date, my future wife, to see it. It was our first date, and almost the last. Only the goat Nino saved us.

“Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. Yes, I know it was supposed to be a spoof of classic “B” movies, but the jokes and timing were so bad and the props, paper mache tomatoes bouncing down streets were just pathetic.

“Halloween 3”. Thinking that this was the trilogy set of the original Halloween movies, I went and paid good money to be sorely disappointed. This movie was not even about Michael Myers, but about some stupid mask that turns people into zombies. A total lamo.

“Howard the Duck” A talking duck from outer space. No more need be said here.

“Plan 9 From Outer Space”. An Ed Wood classic. Aliens come to conquer the Earth but all previous 8 plans used did not work. Hence, the title of the movie. Plan 9 would raise the dead and use the zombies to destroy the earth and do the evil bidding of the aliens. It was also Bela Lagosi’s last movie. He died before it was completed and a stand in actor was used to complete the movie. The actor had to use a cape and hat to cover his face so as not to be recognized as not being Bela. I wouldn’t want to be recognized in this film either.

“Mars Needs Women”. Should have been titled, In search of a script….

“Legend of Boggy Creek”. I remember watching the promo ads on TV for this movie. It showed several seconds of a fuzzy out of focus ape like creature from a distance walking in the woods. The problem was, that was the highlight of the movie. There was no more actual footage of big foot. Just worthless interviews from a dozen or so eye witnesses.

“Queen of Outer Space” starring Zsa Zsa Gabor. A group of astronauts are blown off course and land on planet Venus and find it inhabited by women. Beautiful women, in mini skirts, and big hairdos. The plot thickens as do these movies do, and the queen wants the men all dead. Zsa Zsa helps them and is condemned with the men. The green sticky rock thingy that somehow attracts them and traps them is one of the worst ever movie props.

“Who’s that girl” starring Madonna. I guess this should be, any Madonna movie but this one tops the charts.

“The Gods Must Be Crazy”. The African jungle. A bottle of coke that fell from the sky. That’s about it.

“Nell” starring Jodie Foster. Dennis Miller, comedian said it best. You go see Nell by yourself.

“Cabin Boy”. It’s a wonder this stinker didn’t bankrupt and ruin David Letterman’s reputation. His company produced this clunker.

“Manos The Hands Of Fate”. Apparently Manos was an evil spirit, and the master of the house, or hotel, worshipped Manos. A hapless family stumbles into his clutches and seemingly become worshippers as well. Hard to follow plot. Terrible acting.

“Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot” starring Sly Stallone. The rise and fall of Rocky.

“Teenagers From Outer Space”. Classic story. Alien teenage boy sent to take over the Earth falls for beautiful Earth girl. The other alien teenage boys hunt down the renegade alien teenage boy with ray guns that have a two second time delay when pressing the trigger.

“Sgt’s Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band” starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gee’s. This was the death knell for the disco era.

“The Fog” starring Andrianne Barbeau. The monster was fog that swept bad people away. Reminds me of the movie “Play Misty For Me”.

“Laserblast”. Classic story of teenage boy not loved by his mother, harassed by the local sheriff, finds alien technology (A laser gun and strange broach that turned him green) and decides to take matters into his own hands. Classic.

“Mr. Nanny” starring Hulk Hogan. This movie clearly proves that Vince McMahon owns all the wrestlers rights and futures. Hulk sinks to low level.

Well, there you have it. Twenty classic stinkers.
Any that I left out or missed?
What are your worst favorite movies?

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Sladewilson: The War Journal Vol. 2

Entertainment Reviews - Video Games, Music, Television, Movies for the urban warrior... Adult Themes. Parential discretion advised...

Doooh Head

\"They all say Doooh\"


Conspiracy, HAARP, Earthquakes, Volcano's, Weather Modification, H1N1, Swine Flu, NWO, Politics, and other hedonistic topical articles from The CEO & Czar of The Committee In My Head. Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.