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Vikings 2011 – If I Had A Rocket Launcher

Posted by LOTGK on April 27, 2011

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From The Ashes Of 2010

Listen to the tide slowly turning
Wash all our heartaches away
We’re part of the fire that is burning
And from the ashes we can build another day

It’s Springtime, late April, that period of time when football fans begin to turn their attention to the upcoming NFL draft after an active free agent signing period. (What? What’s that you say? There wasn’t any free agency period?) That’s right fans, the NFL owners have locked out the players. Bickering between millionaires (Players) and billionaires, (Owners) is not funny. Nobody wins. The fans lose.

Remember the 1987 debacle when “Replacement” players fielded the stadium as an impasse between the union and owners lasted late into September. Maytag repairmen were literally lining up on the offensive line protecting “Hi-Fi” stereo salesmen slinging the ball to tobacco chewing long-Shoremen. I thought we were supposed to learn from our past, our mistakes.

With the college draft tomorrow, the Minnesota Vikings find themselves exactly where they were 5 years ago. Without a quarterback. That’s right kids, Former coach Brad Childress had five years to find the future QB of the Vikings. How’d that work out for ya Brad? Childress is now developing a new “Kick ass” burger design at a local fast food joint.

Since the Vikings are unable to sign a veteran quarterback due to the lockout, they must reach for one in the draft. The Vikings have Joe Webb at quarterback. That is it folks. Although Webb flashed some brilliance in his brief appearances in 2010, he is a raw talent that needs several years to develop.

With no free agent signings and no experience at quarterback, that leaves new head coach Leslie Frazier with his work cut out for him to right the listless Viking ship.

If I were in charge of the Vikings I would…..

* With the 12th over all pick in the 2011 NFL draft, the Vikings select… It better be a quarterback. I know Newton and Gabbert will more than likely be gone, but that leaves Mallet and Locker plus Ponder and Dalton. Mallet has the arm, strength, and size, and Locker has the speed and mobility. Vikings need to reach for one of these two. However, scouts claim Ponder is the most ready to start out of the bunch. I’ll go out on a limb here and select Ponder.

* Get Er Done. The stadium deal. Either agree on a stadium or I move the team. I’m sick and tired of the bullshit rhetoric of the governing body in Minnesota. Cal you say L.A. Vikings, or Columbus Vikings.

* TJax out. Put an end to any speculation that Jackson will be on the team in 2011. He’s brittle, he’s had five years. I don’t have anymore time for him.

* Explain to Adrian Peterson that the Underground Railroad is not the same as the Velvet Underground. (The Underground Railroad was an informal network of secret routes and safe houses used by 19th-century black slaves in the United States to escape to free states)
(The Velvet Underground was a rock and roll movement in the 1960’s headed by Lou Reed. Take a walk on the wild side baby)

* Explain to Bryant McKinnie that lifting 12 ounce cans at Miami bars is not conditioning for the upcoming 2011 season. I would cut his dead weight ass and his $49 million dollar contract.

* Sign Sidney Rice when the NFL agrees on a contract. He and Percy Harvin will create havoc for defenses.

* I would not. I repeat, I would not re-re-sign Randy Moss. No matter what he says, or doesn’t say. That dog don’t hunt no more. Three times is not a charm.

* I’m embarrassed for the Vikings cheerleaders. They are forced to wear 1950’s style “Glamor costumes” from an era long passed by. You want more fans in the seats. You want more media buzz. Outfit the Viking cheerleaders with third Millennium uniforms. Show some skin for Pete’s sake. And for Pat’s sake.

* Jim Marshal and Cris Carter deserve to be in the Hall of Fame. I would immediately get on the PR blitz machine spotlighting these great athlete’s careers. As it stands now, without these men enshrined, it will remain the Hall Of Shame.

* When the CBA is finally signed, I would jettison Ray Edwards. Sign Donovan McNabb to help mentor the rookie quarterback, seek out a quality receiver better than Hank Baskett, (Perhaps some of the 1987 replacement Maytag repairmen want another crack at playing) sign a solid LT and center.

* Beef up security to prevent Brett Favre from entering the facility. He has played his last down in a Viking uniform. Perhaps he will get the itch come late August to play again. I wish him well with another team.

* And on the second day on the job…

SKOL VIKINGS!

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8 Responses to “Vikings 2011 – If I Had A Rocket Launcher”

  1. Skol Vikings said

    When the Vikings gave away the 3rd round pick for Moss I knew Childress was panicking hoping to ignite Favre and the offense. Moss exited quickly and the Patriots are laughing their asses off at the Viking management. What else is new?

    • LOTGK said

      Yes, Childress never addressed the long term QB problem. Now with the lockout, the Vikings have to draft a quarterback at #12. Same as it ever was.

  2. Max Jackl said

    The entire NFL is screwed. Sheep better start worrying.

  3. Gumby said

    I say the Vikings trade the pick away for a late 1st rounder and select Andy Dalton in the late 20’s and get a 3rd round pick that they lost for the Moss trade.

  4. Gumby said

    I was close. Ponder, Dalton, same thing.

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