Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory

Dead Man Running

Posted by LOTGK on November 24, 2009

At 50 years old, sooner rather than later I’m going to end up here. Below ground! But for now, it is my place for cardio workout. As I stated in the video above, it is almost an exact mile around the perimeter. Every day, and sometimes evenings, I jog three laps around the cemetery. Traffic is always low, it’s semi secluded, and I am acquainted with the locals there.

Night time running bothers my wife, as she cannot believe I run there after dark. Since there are no lights in the cemetery, except for the red votive candles on the graves, it is pitch dark. I navigate by the stars and the ambient lights from the surrounding houses lining the cemetery.

Every now and again, the police will drive through and spot me and come and investigate. At first, I had to answer a lot of questions, What am I doing in here? Why am I running at night? Do I come here every day? But after a while, they recognized me and now when they do pull in they merely wave and say “Good evening.” I return the same, and one time, I said in my best Vincent Price voice, “Good evening” back to the officer. I heard him laughing as he drove off.

I do have a treadmill in my basement (Dungeon) that I use on rainy days and snow days, (I tried running in the snow before, I was on my ass more than on my feet) but I get bored quickly staring at the basement walls, even with my MP3 player blaring.

Anyway, this is my video of the cemetery where I run shot from my Jeep Wrangler. Maybe I’ll see you in there sometime. It’s one of my favorite haunts….

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13 Responses to “Dead Man Running”

  1. Gumby said

    This is television, that’s all it is. It has nothing to do with people, it’s to do with ratings! For fifty years, we’ve told them what to eat, what to drink, what to wear… for Christ’s sake, Ben, don’t you understand? Americans love television. They wean their kids on it. Listen. They love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we do? We give ’em *what they want! We’re number one, Ben, that’s all that counts, believe me. I’ve been in the business for thirty years.

    Ben Richards: Well, I may not have been in show business for as long as you have. But I’m a quick learner. And right now, I’m going to give the audience what I think they want.

  2. Anti-christ said

    I’m hiding right behind the big book, biding my time, waiting for you one evening.

  3. Canny Wittles said

    Don’t you get creeped out in the cemetery, especially at night, with the glowing candles and the setting.

    • fracas said

      I like cemetaries too.. so I don’t understand the whole ‘creeped out’ thing. Why do people get creeped out by the idea of a cemetary at night? (Just wondering)

      • LOTGK said

        I think its from the many horror movies depicting zombies coming out of the grave and roaming the earth. Night of The Living Dead by George Romero comes to mind as a movie that changed the perception of cemeteries to people much like Jaws changed the way people swam at the beach.

        • fracas said

          I’ve seen the movie… but, umm.. it’s just a movie. I actually find cemeteries comforting; imagine all those people at peace. Odd that folks would choose to see the negative rather than the positive.

    • LOTGK said

      No, not really. The cemetery isn’t going to go all George Romero on me. The random cars that pull in get my attention, they don’t belong in there after dark but when they see me they usually speed away.

  4. Allie said

    I like running in cemeteries too. They are pretty and peaceful and there are no off-leash dogs to run up and bite me in the hamstring. However, I don’t know how comfortable I’d be running in a cemetery at night. At least not by myself. I’m a huge wimp, though. I got scared while watching Harry Potter. Yeah. That happened.

  5. jungljim69 said

    Just read an article in the Vindicator where two Mooney HS Seniors were discovered in that same cemetary,,,,shot! Are you still perpetuating the Mooney-Boardman rivalry?

    • LOTGK said

      I saw that on the news last night after the Vikings game. So far the news says two Mooney teens were found shot. They have yet to determine if it’s murder/suicide or murder.

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