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Houses To Avoid During Halloween

Posted by LOTGK on October 31, 2009

halloweendzheader

Many people decorate their homes and yards for the Halloween season with some going over the edge with electronic light shows and sound tracks making it appear like an authentic haunted evil house. To those people, the Grassy Knoll Institute salutes you.

However, in your travels tonight, as you take your children trick or treating, pay close attention to certain caveat’s of the houses you are sending your offspring to. Some of them may not appear to be what you think.

The Grassy Knoll Institute offers this Halloween Trick or Treat guide on what houses to avoid ringing the door bell this Halloween. Pay close attention, this guide may just save your life.

* The house down the street that seems to be imploding into itself in a bizarre space-time continuum wormhole. General Rule: Doc Brown is not the owner and he will not send you back to the future.

* The Hanzel and Gretel house. Sometimes these houses are in the “Red light” district of town. It is not the place to go for treats. Unless you like to be eaten. General rule: Avoid any house made of food and or candy.

* A simple observation: Avoid any house whose only entrance goes to the basement.

* A house that also doubles as a mortuary or funeral home.

* The house across the street that has ornamental grave stones with single votive candles lit on each.

* Any house that looks like a scene straight from The Amityville Horror movie that growls “Get out” when you approach it. General rule: Heed that warning. There’ll be no Snickers bars for you.

* Any house where the furniture seems to be spinning around the living room floor. This is not the Disney movie Beauty And The Beast.

* A house that is saucer shaped, silver in color, with a low humming electrical sound emanating from inside.

* A house with extremely realistic statues of people in the front yard
poised in odd running away poses with horror etched on their faces.

* Any house that wasn’t there only a minute ago…

* The house with a 1990’s white Ford Bronco parked in the drive.

* If the house is filled with flies, locusts, or other flying insects, skip the house and move to the next. You will not receive a treat.

* The dilapidated old mansion at the end of the road with tank sized gargoyles adorning the perches with glowing eyes.

Happy Halloween – Samhain

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2 Responses to “Houses To Avoid During Halloween”

  1. No Interest said

    WTF! This was hilarious but to late. I saw several trick and treaters get sucked into a spinning vortex at one house down the block. Just bad luck.

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