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2008 Viking New Year Resolutions

Posted by LOTGK on January 5, 2008

viking thunder

The Minnesota Vikings ended the 2007 campaign on a sour note losing their final two games. In doing so, they missed the playoffs winding up with a record of 8-8. Two more wins than last year, but still not a winning record. (Mike Tice is certainly smiling about this)The 2008 new year is just 5 days old and as usual, the players have cleaned out their locker and scattered across the country. (At least they can watch the playoffs on TV) The new year always brings hope and a new beginning for the team. But for this to become reality, the Vikings must make several new years resolutions to move forward.

#01 – Zygi Wilf – I resolve to grow some stones and play hard ball with the bastards in the legislature who continue to refuse the Vikings a new stadium.

#02 – Brad Childress – I resolve to make adjustments during half time when my kick ass offense isn’t working.

#03 – Brad Childress – I also resolve to work into my game plan at least 20 carries per game for the NFL rookie of the year, Adrian Peterson, who rushed for over 1300 yards with an almost 6 yards per carry average.

#03 – Brad Childress – Furthermore, I also resolve to scrap my defensive scheme and implement one that pressures the opposing quarterbacks.

#04 – Troy Williamson – I resolve to have my locker cleaned out by the end of business day tomorrow. (You putz! Catch a fucking pass once in a while)

#05 – Tarvaris Jackson – I resolve to spend less time cleaning my gold chain that adorns my neck during games and more time improving my mechanics so I can buy more gold chains to wear around my neck.

#06 – Bryant McKinnie – I resolve to work more on my blocking technique and foot work to live up to my $48 million contract.

#07 – Dwight Smith – I resolve to stay out of seedy hotel stairwells and stop having Woody Harrelson as my hemp idol.

#08 – Cedric Griffin – I resolve to get over my self and actually learn how to play cornerback and defend passes.

#09 – Bobby Wade – I resolve to never shake my head in disgust when a team mate drops a pass for it may be me the very next play that does just that.

#10 – Robert Ferguson – I resolve to learn how to run routes and turn my head around so I can see the ball coming toward me.

#11 – Chester Taylor – I resolve to play within my means and not stretch the ball outside of my reach in an attempt to score.

#12 – Kenechi Udeze – I resolve not to celebrate my 5 total sacks in 32 games.

#13 – Ryan Cook – I resolve to stop having Todd Stuessie, mister false start as my idol.

#14 – Brooks Bollinger – I resolve to learn how to carry a clip board better, and to suck up to coach Childress knowing that he likes me because while I was on the Jets I threw one really nice pass and that’s why I’m on the team right now.

#15 – Leslie Frasier – I resolve to stop neglecting the pass defense and creating a better pass rush scheme no matter what team I’m coaching for next year.

#16 – Darrell Bevell – I resolve to actually learn how to put together an offensive game plan and call a game effectively. It is my job, I should know how to do it.

#17 – Kelly Holcomb – I resolve to get a real haircut and become the best used car salesman in Omaha.

#18 – Marcus mcCauley – I resolve to study game film 24-7 in the off season and practice my technique so I don’t have to rely solely on my speed to cover receivers.

#19 – Aundrae Allison – I resolve to not rest on my laurels and live off one lick off return and to work on my receiving routes and when I do kick returns in 2008, to quit fucking dancing like a ballerina and turn up field for positive yards.

#20 – Visanthe Shiancoe – I resolve to catch the damn ball next year and return my copy of Keyshawn’s book to the library.

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2 Responses to “2008 Viking New Year Resolutions”

  1. Viking Godz said

    On the positive side, we were 6-10 last year and 8-8 this year which is an improvement.
    Slim improvement, but improvement nonetheless.
    Agreed on Jackson, don’t know if he is th guy or not.
    Frazier might be gone.
    It would be nice if Wilf actually hammers out a stadium deal instead of politicing and not getting anything done.
    Adrian Peterson is the man. Very bright future.
    Skol Vikings for 2008

  2. toejammer said

    Nice read that is funny. =)
    I thought it was interesting how Donovan McNabb and the Vikings were in the same sentence on SportsCenter… i think the vikes would be fine without him.

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