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The Ugly American

Posted by LOTGK on December 12, 2007

The Grassy Knoll Institute curator steps up to the plate. Since I have thrown my hat into the political ring and decided to run for president in 2008, many people, (11 people so far) have asked what I would do if elected. How would I get the country back on its feet? All good questions and as the candidate from the Grassy Knoll party, I aim to please.

Take a deep breath and here goes……

From the American side, and I speak solely for myself only, and not directly at or toward any such person, but…..
I would immediately relocate the United Nations to Paris, France, or Hilton. (Insert your own witty retort here) The United States spends to damn much of our hard earned money to support this pompous group. Let France start footing the bill from now on.

I would close our borders until such time we had all the illegal aliens that are living in our country sucking us dry and immediately deport them. No questions asked, no second chances. If you are not an American citizen, and you do not have a visa to be here, then you will be removed.

I would recall our military from around the globe. No longer will we be the protector of the world from terrorists and dictatorship regimes. I would station our troops at our border, on the sea, land, and in the air. No one gets in unless they have a proper visa. If another country is invaded, take it up with the United Nations in France. We will offer diplomatic advice and support. Nothing more.

Declare a mandate to all nations that there is now a ZERO tolerance policy on any act of aggression towards our nation and its citizens. I would retaliate with brutal force to any such acts.

I would end all foreign aid. The United States has poverty as well. To me, charity starts at home. I feel terrible when I see on TV starving children from foreign lands but a 5 minute drive to the city mission and there are Americans starving here as well. Right here in our own backyard. I would direct all the billions of dollars of foreign aid to the American people in need and support. If every American has a sandwich to eat tonight, and a warm place to sleep, only then offer foreign aid to others that need it. Not until. Sound harsh? You bet it is. But ask the American man, woman, or child what they think at the local rescue mission about us sending billions of dollars to foreign aid instead of helping them.

I would open up Alaska for oil and natural gas drilling. Surveys predict billions upon billions of barrels of crude oil lies beneath the tundra. I would stockpile and put in reserve all oil pumped on American soil. If any American oil company wanted to sell to an outside source, I would buy the entire lot from that said company at a fair market value.

I would then demand from our inventors and scientists to devise an alternate fuel source to lower our consumption of oil. I would make the oil companies part of the process so as they would not think they were to be squeezed out. Renewable fuels such as ethanol, where corn and other crops can be used to produce fuel that our cars, transportation, and equipment can run on. The more ethanol produced, the less dependent on foreign oil, the less in trade deficit, the less air pollution, more American jobs, more tax money. That would be a great kick in the economy as refinery plants would be needed to be built plus all the trucking industry to haul the raw materials and the finished product.

I would implement the rebuilding of the nations railroad. Not just freight service, but mass transit as well. The more people that ride the train, the less oil consumed, the less dependent on foreign oil we become. Tens of thousands of Americans would be put to work building the railroad system back. Not at minimum wage salary, but a good honest decent wage that will let them live comfortably. Steel workers, masons, electrical, designers, fabricators, engineers, not the train conductor type, (At least not yet) would be needed to stretch that magic carpet made of steel. With the railroad back to operation, tens of thousands of more jobs would be created to staff commercial trips. More jobs means more taxes which mean more benefits to the American people.

I would forget about the space program. Billions upon billions of dollars are spent each year to study rocks on a planet that has been dead for billions of years. Focus the resources of our NASA scientists to building structures that withstand earthquakes better, cars that are better fuel efficient, solar power, fusion power, fission power, renewable fuels, lighter and stronger components and alloys that will save on consumption of our natural resources plus many more concepts.

Build the so called “Star wars” defense system. Again, it is for defense only. Any nation that invades would be put down and obliterated.

Many nations hate Americans and hope we implode and all kill ourselves. I say let them think anything they want. However, I would keep note and when, and I do mean when, a terrorist faction takes control of a nation and invades their country I would hold a deaf ear to their cries for help as they were being slaughtered like cattle. Yes, tis harsh, but no foreign nation grieves when American soldiers die in battle. They throw parties instead.

All prisoners on death row that have exhausted every appeal and legal avenue for freedom will be put to death immediately. No more taxpayers money to be used to house these murderers. I would much rather use the billions of dollars housing and feeding these motherfuckers to building more schools, housing projects, farmers aid, and health and welfare of our nation. We need more schools, teachers, firefighters, police officers. Not another thousand murderers living their lives in maximum security bleeding our tax money dry.

Any criminal convicted of drug dealing will be sentenced to death and will be executed after every legal avenue is exhausted. We must look to the future, and our children are the future. Yes, again, sounds harsh, but a line in the sand must be drawn.

Any criminal convicted of a violent crime, such as rape, would be immediately sent to a work farm after they exhausted all legal avenues for freedom. They would work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the rest of their lives. No chance for parole. Or, they could opt for the death penalty.

Health care. A total revamp. From this day forward, every American would be fully covered for any ailment. I’m not talking about botox injections, breast implants, and other vanity elective surgery and procedures. I would use the new found infrastructure to foot the bill. The hundreds of thousands of new jobs will generate a significant new tax base along with the billions saved mentioned above, and all health care will be taken care of. Anyone caught taking advantage illegally of the system, would be sent to a work farm for a minimum of five years.

George Washington warned our nation in his farewell address about getting our hands into to many other nations business when he stated to “Have no entangling alliances.” I believe that is excellent advice indeed.

And on the second day as president, I’d get someone to fix all the damn potholes on Market street.


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4 Responses to “The Ugly American”

  1. Hell of a platform my friend. Now we have to execute the first stage of the over-arching plan – the general election.

  2. Valdunagan said

    I think you found your running mate….
    sounds to simple to be that easy, once you cut away the bullcrap.

  3. jungljim69 said


  4. I agree with a lot of the platform too. I am a poverty-stricken American who needs a new Mac & who is out of work. Can I apply for foreign aid if you win ?

    After all, I am a lonely Republican adrift amongst a sea of Liberal sharks in the SF Bay Area.

    If THAT isn’t foreign, I don’t know what is…



    ( for some reason, the cut and paste feature wont work on my of the reasons I NEED a new one… )

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