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  • Time Travel

Save The Cheerleader

Posted by LOTGK on December 11, 2007

school classroom

Save The Cheerleader! Save The World!

Submitted For Your Approval.
The Time: 1975
The Place: English class, Boardman High School

The school year was half over and my Sophomore English class was so far without incident. Until the teacher assigned us all an oral report on something that we knew well and loved. And not just an oral report, but we were to bring props. We were given two weeks to prepare.

Two weeks came and gone in the blink of an eye and it was time for the reports. I thought this would be sort of entertaining. At the very least, it was better than listening to a lecture and maybe I would get a laugh or two after spying some of the props. Then the hammer fell.

Before the first student was called upon, our teacher, Mr. D., warned us that there was to be absolutely no laughing during anyone’s oral report. He stated that everyone worked hard on their reports (Apparently, he didn’t mean me) and it would be ignorant and rude to laugh. The gaunlet had been dropped, and the final warning was that if anyone did feel the need to laugh, they would immediately fail the assignment. (No pressure now)

Well, the first few students took their turns and no one laughed. The reports were boring and bland. No problem, we could get through this. Until!

The next student was a Boardman band majorette. She was sitting in the back wearing a rain coat and had a big box of stuff (Props) with her. She stood up, walked to the front of the room as every set of eyes followed her.

When she got to the front of the class, she pulled a big boom box (A boom box is a 1970’s circa IPOD) out and turned it on. Loud marching band music began to billow out and while we were watching the boom box, she whirled around and stripped off the raincoat revealing her shiny gold tight fitting majorette uniform including thigh high go go boots.

She spoke, telling us that she was going to do her head majorette homecoming routine. With that, she pulled out a baton and started twirling and high stepping. She looked just like a female version of rock band Kiss front man, Gene Simmons. (KISS equals Knights In Service of Satan)

I felt myself trying not to laugh knowing if I did I would get an “F” for the day. My next move was a critical mistake. I started to look around at the other students in an attempt not to laugh. I spied some shrugging shoulders and almost a few snickers. It was about to get out of hand.

About 45 seconds into her routine she tossed the baton into the air and promptly dropped it. Without missing a beat, she picked it up and continued the routine. She tossed the baton three more times into the air and each time dropped it. At that point, I was getting the notion she was doing this on purpose, as if she had a plan to make us all laugh leaving her with the only passing grade.

A minute later, her routine changed and she started pointing the baton at us as if she were going to throw it at us. Every time she did this, all the kids in the front rows would duck. (They were paying attention to her baton drops earlier)

Looking around, almost every student had their hands covering their mouths to avoid laughing. Some had crazed looks in their eyes as if they were ready to burst. Spying the teacher sitting in the back row, even he looked a little dazed.

Thank God the 3 minute routine was almost over and it looked like we would all survive until, just at the very end, our gold suited majorette began a suicide spin, (Picture a professional figure skater spinning at the end of her routine) and instead of sticking her landing, or stopping, she fell flat on her ass with a loud thud.

That was it. The dam had broke. Almost in unison, everyone started laughing out loud. Damned be the grade. We couldn’t take it anymore. Even Mr. D was laughing. Not just a little, but big old belly busting laughing. Some were in tears they were laughing so hard.

A minute later, after the laughter began to dissipate, someone from the class spoke up and announced to Mr. D that he would receive an “F” for the day.

Incredibly, the rest of the reports were mundane compared to the “Sit and spin majorette” we had just witnessed. Not a single snort or random chortle emitted from the room. We were spoiled.

Side note: If you were you wondering what my oral report was on… It was a very simple report. And quite tasty. It was how to make and eat a peanut butter sandwich. Props were bread, knife, and of course peanut butter.

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