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Pleasantville Chapter 3

Posted by LOTGK on December 9, 2007

That morning, I finished up at the show and was ready to leave when I heard the weather report back home in Cleveland.

My mission was completed and was ready to return to the secret laboratory of the Grassy knoll Institute. By chance, I overheard a weather report and then made a call to the home base to confirm said conditions. Yes, Cleveland Ohio was scheduled for a Noreaster. (A Noreaster is a winter snow storm that dumps heavy accumulation of snow in a short period of time.) And as luck would have it, my Jeep was parked outside at the airport in Cleveland.

Leaving Gatlinburg I drove through Pigeon Forge on my way to the airport. I spotted a Wal-Mart and formulated my plan. I parked the car and entered Wal-Mart and was greeted by a nice woman. I asked her if they had any snow shovels? She asked why I needed a snow shovel. I said to shovel snow. She said why, it doesn’t snow here in Tennessee. I politely asked once more, and she was still babbling about no snow. I ventured forth on my own into the depths of Wal-Mart.

To my disgust, not a single employee knew if they carried snow shovels. They had hunting shovels, and survival shovels, but not snow shovels. Dejected, I headed toward the door and then I saw it. It was over in the pool area. A little red plastic shovel. It wasn’t full size, but it would do the trick. I quickly grabbed it and cashed out and set course for the airport.

Arriving at the airport, I stood in line with my luggage, briefcase, and red shovel. Of course the flight was delayed two hours because of weather so I headed for some food. Being in the Knoxville airport, my journey for food was quick and painful. Not a place was open, just vending machines. And I didn’t have any change. Damn! Maybe I would get something to eat on the plane!!! Hahaha!

Finally, my flight was ready and I boarded the plane with red shovel in hand. I got some pretty funny looks from the other passengers and even a few remarks. On was, are you going to build a sand castle with that shovel? Those type of remarks. I merely smiled, and politely asked if they knew what the weather in Cleveland was. Without giving them time to answer, I told them that there was 23 inches of snow in the last 36 hours and I was going to use the shovel to dig my Jeep out. It was the best 5 bucks I spent in a long time.

The flight was uneventful after that and after we landed I made my way to the extended parking area. As I anticipated, the snow plows had pushed the snow over six feet high around all the parked cars to clear the lanes. It took a half hour to locate my Jeep, but I found it.

Using my handy shovel, I dug a little path through the 6 foot high snow bank and cleared off the jeep windows and brushed off the snow on the hood and roof. I warmed the Jeep up for five minutes, inched the Jeep forward a foot and shifted it in four wheel drive, backed it up to the back of the snow bank, then powered ahead. I got about half way through on the first volley and backed up the Jeep to start my second assault. I hit the snow clean and never looked backed. I was free of the snow. As I drove down the parking lot, I saw a few people trying to dig themselves out with only their gloves. I recognized the one woman from the plane. The sand castle woman. I unzipped the window, waved my red shovel out the window and let out a hearty “Hi ho Silver Away!”

Laughing I zipped up the window and found the highway and completed my trek home from Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

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Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory

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