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Cable Company Pays A Visit

Posted by LOTGK on November 15, 2007

Grassy Knoll Institute VS The Cable Company

My son calls me Wednesday and informs me the Internet is acting up, or more to the point, not letting him connect at all. He went through the standard trouble shooting procedures and still no Internet. He would have to wait for me to get home to call the cable company.

Upon arriving home from a hard day work, (Shut up to all those who know what I do for a living) I again went through the trouble-shooting list. Checked all the connections, reset the modem, disconnected the power cord to the modem, released my IP address and then renewed it, and even played In A Godda Da Vida (The long version) as that technique worked one time and I now leave it in my repertoire of quick fixes.

Well, even after the long drum solo and the psychedelic music ended, I was still unable to connect to the Internet. A call to the cable company was needed.

Usually, the calls are relatively painless and only a several minute wait of being on ignore. (Hold for some people, I refer to it as ignore) Travis came on the line and we went through the standard protocol of identifying myself, Last name, street address, Veronica or Betty, Coke or Pepsi, Blond or Brunette, Taco or hot dog. Answering the questions correctly, we moved on to the problem.

Of course the technician asked if I did the trouble-shooting list and I replied with an affirmative answer plus added the Iron Butterfly tune for good measure. He then took a snapshot of my modem, noted that indeed it was offline and not sending or receiving. The two blinking lights already told me this. He said he would have a service technician out Friday. That was good since I was off Friday and had some kitchen work that needed done. I had an appointment between 8am and noontime. Hard to pin these guys down.

Fast forward to Friday. The cable man pulled into the driveway at 10am. He put his little blue booties over his shoes so as not to soil my floor and I led him to the computer room. He did a few things on the computer, spoke a little Latin, (Asked for an old priest and a young priest) burned a little incense, and then asked to see the basement. I was waiting for the house to announce to him to “GET OUT!”

Actually, the cable line comes in from the basement and he wanted to check the connections. Five minutes later I hear him calling out for me to come get him and I lead him back to the computer. He then replaced the modem, and the cable line from the wall to the modem and powered up the computer. And hey, I saw four green lights, which meant the cable was online. He did a speed test and I was receiving 4.85 MBPS, which in regular guy talk allows me to download a one-MEGABYTE file in two seconds. The cable service is fast here folks.

But, all was not well for in mere minutes, the modem went offline. The technician was stumped. At this point he stated it must be my computer that was causing the problem. I asked how could that be when the modem wouldn’t even come online when it was disconnected from my computer? He didn’t have an answer. He made a few phone calls and then went to his truck. He came back with a little metal device; the one pictured at the top, and said this is the solution to my problem.

Again he went to the basement. I followed him this time. Upon inspecting the cable line, there was already a metal device attached to the line. He took that one off and put the new one on. He explained that it was a filter and that the old one had went bad and was causing the modem to shut down thus losing my connection.

We then went to check the fruits of our labor. Yes, the modem powered up, the four green lights came on, and the computer connected to the Internet. It stayed on for over five minutes and the exorcist, err, technician, deemed the house clean, err, problem, resolved.

Signing some papers the technician was on his way to his next adventure. Then it happened. The modem lights went dark. Damn! Offline once again. Moving like a jungle cat to the phone I quickly dialed the hotline to the cable company. Going through the computer menu I was thwarted by the deadly elevator music of ignore. The technician had gotten away. Escaped.

Finally, I spoke to the tech guy on the phone and explained once again the problem. He looked at my modem and saw it was offline and then put me on ignore for five minutes. He said he had to confer with another technician to find a solution. When he came back on the line, he said that another service man would be needed to come out and inspect the cable lines outside the house to check the nodes and connections. He surmised that water from the recent storm might have gotten in there blocking my connection. Sounded reasonable until he said no one is available until Monday.

Feeling the anger welling up inside me, I decided to take the calm approach and politely asked that my bill be prorated for the 6 days of no connectivity. Silence from the other end. Did the phone line go dead as well? Then a voice, quiet at first, but he agreed that six days would be taken off the bill.

So, I was now going to be subjected to selective online time. Whenever the modem wanted to come online, I could connect. I decided to investigate further knowing full well from my Catholic upbringing that sometimes a second exorcism was needed to expel the demons. To the basement I went.

Looking at the filter I decided to unscrew the filter and run the cable wide open. To my amazement, when I reached the computer room, the four green lights were shining bright and I logged on to the Internet. It was blazing fast, faster than normal which is hard to fathom. I sighed relief and announced that, “This house is clean!”

The Internet has been working all weekend with not a single drop off. I guess I have a call to make on Monday, to tell the cable company how I fixed the problem and where to send the bill for services rendered……

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Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory

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