Irish Humor – Shamus Names The Twins

A pregnant County Mayo woman was in a car accident and fell into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and realizes she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks Dr. Flanagan what happened to her baby. The doctor replies, “Lassy, now don’t you worry now, you had healthy twins! Tis a boy and a girl. Your brother Shamus named them for you for the birth records.”

The new mother thought to herself, “Oh no, not my brother Shamus, he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asked the doctor, “Doctor, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” says the doctor.

The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not a bad name at all now is it! I guess I was wrong about Shamus. I like the name Denise!” Then she asked the doctor, “And What is the boy’s name?” The doctor replies, “Denephew.”

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Irish Humor – The Devil You Say

Every evening old Paddy Flaherty came home drunk and the missus was not to happy it either. She decides to shock Paddy sober. So the next evening she hides in the cemetery behind the tombstones to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Paddy wanders by, drunk of course, the missus, dressed in a red devil costume, jumps from behind a tombstone and lets out a blood curling scream. Paddy looked startled. The missus then said in a deep demonic voice, “Paddy Flaherty, sure enough if you don’t give up you’re drinkin’ it’ll be to Hell I’ll be taking ye’.” Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded in a stern voice, “Just who the hell be you?!” The Missus replied, “I’m the devil ya’ damned old fool!” Paddy looked relieved and replied, “Damned glad to meet you sir, I married yer sister 30 years ago!”

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St. Patrick’s Day Alien Abduction

Don't Let This Happen To You

Notice To All Irish People Being Harassed Or Abducted By Evil Aliens:

St. Patrick’s Day is fast approaching, and many of you will be donning the green and partying with your friends at your favorite pubs and bars. Keep in mind, thought screen helmet aliens never rest. They never give up. They are relentless in the pursuit of invading your thoughts and controlling your very being.

Before you leave your house for the St. Patrick’s Day festivities, make sure you have a correctly constructed thought screen helmet securely fastened on your dome. Note: Make sure you construct your helmet before partaking in the consumption of the green ale lest you become a victim like Sean O’Reiley pictured on the left. Sean failed to properly line his helmet with velostat, the magical material that filters out telepathic transmissions from the evil aliens.

Sadly, Sean was abducted just seconds after this photograph was taken of him at last year’s party. Heed the warning from the Grassy Knoll Institute and have a safe and happy St. Patrick’s Day.

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Irish Trivia

Ireland is known for more than Guinness beer and a parade in March where people wear green and get stinking drunk. (Well, not much more, but more nontheless) Below is a little trivia quiz on how well you know Ireland and it’s people.

* What 1951 film was shot on location in County Mayo and directed by John Ford? Answer: The Quiet Man.

* What lies on top of an Irish Coffee? Answer: Cream.

* What does the circle in the center of the Celtic cross represent? Answer: The sun.

* A traditional Irish stew contains which meat? Answer: Lamb.

* To make an Irish coffee , what alcohol ingredient would you use? Answer: Whiskey.

* What is Grafton Street most famous for? Answer: Shopping.

* Name the fairy that allegedly comes to certain Irish families to forewarn of death? Answer: The Banshee.

* What kind of food are crubeens? Answer: Pigs feet.

* What does ‘Erin Go Bragh’ mean? Answer: Ireland Forever.

* Boxty is what? Answer: An irish potato cake.

* During which years did the Irish Potato Famine take place? Answer: 1845-49

* Where do fairies who kidnap brides and babies keep them. Answer: In Fairy mounds for up to 100 years.

* What does the term paddy wagon mean? Answer: When the Irish men got arrested for being drunk, they would all claim that their name was Paddy, (A common name in Ireland) hence, the police brought the paddy wagon to bring them all in to jail.

* What ship building company built the titanic? Answer: Harland and Wolf.

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