A Question About Noah

In our last episode, the Pastor had made a courtesy call home to my parents to give them an updated progress report on my day’s behavior. I would have to be patient before provoking the nuns once again.

A week had passed and the days of waiting had now ended. It was time to attack the nuns once again. I was going to follow Wild Kingdoms Marlin Perkins hunting credo that once you get the animals on the run, never let them slow down to give the animals any time to rest. I set my task to the test.

As the students filed in one by one that particular day, the nun in charge gave me a glancing look as if she knew something was about to happen, much like the antelope before an earthquake knowing that something terrible was about to happen.

The nuns must have begun to suspect that they were in a match to the death with me. It would be a duel of wits. Of course the nuns came to fight unarmed. I was now sure that all their so-called faculty meetings were merely a ruse to disguise their plans to keep order in their classroom and to keep me off balance. I would have to figure out a way to bug the office to learn of their plans in advance. I needed that edge. After all, I was only in second grade.

The nuns were getting smarter but I had my ace in the hole and its name was Noah.

Our religion lesson began with the nuns telling us of a horrific flood that was coming to destroy the entire earth and all the people and animals. This particular day, the nuns treaded cautiously in choosing their words to describe that day’s lesson. When the lesson had finished, it was now time for question and answer time.

MY favorite time. I decided to start off slowly this time with the nuns so as not to elicit suspicion quickly. I would ask legitimate questions first and then build to the climatic question that would send me to the principles office. In fact, I would let other students begin the interrogation. The perfect plan was in motion. Timmy and Tommy and Betty asked some brown noser questions to get them some brownie nun points much to the nuns delight. I almost saw one nun crack a smile, but I was wrong. These nuns were well trained.

At this moment I began my assault. I asked what the animals ate on the ark during the 40 days and nights. Another volley.

Then I asked that since lions and tigers only ate meat, what did Noah feed them.

I brought up snakes and how they had to eat their prey alive. I asked if Noah had to sacrifice several species of small mammals to keep the snakes from dying of starvation.

What about the birds? Were they kept in cages or did Noah let them fly free?

The stage had been set. The nuns were becoming agitated. The answers coming a little more quickly with less thought processes. They were getting a little sloppy.

It was time…

I raised my hand one last time, 5 minutes before class was to end. The nuns thought they had escaped. They were wrong. As fate would have it, sister Sharlett announced only one more question would be answered today due to time constraints. My hand was the only hand raised. Poised. Ready. Confident.

I began slowly, asking the nun if she remembered a previous lesson on Adam and Eve. She nodded in a positive way giving me the leverage I needed to continue.

I quickly asked that if only Noah, his wife, his three sons and their wives were the only humans to survive, then how did they re-populate the world? Yes, the hammer had dropped. The death knell had been rung. Sister Sharlett looked on stunned, waiting for the question to fully sink in.

As if she were in a cartoon, it seemed like a light bulb turned on over her head and a scowl covered her face. She had taken the bait, hook, line, and sinker and I was reeling her in. She was about to inform the class the real reason why we are all considered brothers and sisters. It was because Noah’s sons and daughters paired up with each other and were fruitful and multiplied. Again, the entire story of Noah was based on incest.

As usual, the nuns in the room became furious. Very loud cackling could be heard as they quickly huddled together much like a football huddle. Seconds later, I was being dragged by my heels out of the office, down the hall to the Pastors office. Yes, this time the principles office was bypassed. I must have been very special.

I began to think that the nuns had changed their pattern to confuse me, frighten me, to get the upper hand. Being a veteran of the wrath of the nuns, I was not worried for I knew the ultimate outcome would be a trip to the Pastors office. Bypassing the principles office was merely an added bonus.

As luck would have it, the Pastor was in a meeting and very busy at the time but he did take a moment to attend to this matter. Whispering by nuns, the positive nods by the pastor, and a few hand gestures and the huddle once again broke. They were ready to run their play. I was in blitz mode.

The pastor said that I was disrupting religion class and that Jesus wouldn’t like what I was doing. I was also informed that this was going on my permanent record and that this incident would be with me for the rest of my life.

The next moment was way out of character for the nuns. No yelling, no threat of expulsion, no talk of detention. Just the permanent record thing. I could live with that. Hell, I didn’t know what my permanent record was anyhow so no big deal.

Then, another twist. Instead of being escorted back to the classroom, I came face to face with my mother in the school hall. She did not look pleased to see me. Without saying a word my mother communicated with the nuns with some sort of secret hand signals and I was in the car and on my way home for the day. Being that it was only second period, I felt pretty lucky thinking I would have the rest of the day to play. Boy was I ever wrong with that impression.

Several days later, I asked my big brother Jack what my permanent record was and why was it so important. He began to explain that… Well, that’s another story.

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Noah’s Ark And The C.I.A.

The C.I.A. Is Interested In The Final Resting Place Of Noah’s Ark?

There is a mountain covered with snow in Eastern Turkey. The mountain is fifty one hundred meters above sea level, which is actually not the highest mountain range when compared to Tibet’s mountains that are eight thousand meters high. However, it has been the most famous mountain of the planet for the past several thousand years. The mountain is Ararat. The final resting place of the fabled Noah’s Ark.

It has been rumored that beginning in the 1940s, the CIA has been keenly interested in Mount Ararat and have been collecting evidence and data on an object hidden in an ice grave on Ararat’s slope. Researchers of Noah’s Ark said that the CIA archives contained numerous classified photo and filmed documents. Some mysterious sources reported that “a secret expedition was organized to Turkey” by the US Government. There is no doubt that if the CIA actually did happen to discover remains of the ancient huge vessel, it would certainly be the most important scientific and archeological discovery of the century. However, it is not clear yet why the remains of Noah’s Ark could interest the C.I.A. so much.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has uncovered startling evidence that the Ark is in fact an ancient Unidentified Flying Object. At this discovery, the C.I.A. initiated an immediate cover-up to protect the alien technology found still intact on the Ark. The Ark, during the cover of darkness, was airlifted by helicopter from the mountain and flown to the infamous Area 51 in Nevada where it still sits in pieces as every inch has been inspected to unlock the secrets of it’s technology.

Extensive tests were conducted on the Ark and some very peculiar oddities on the shape and design of the Ark were discovered. As recorded in the bible, the Ark was an immense vessel measuring close to the size of a current Navy Aircraft Carrier but much wider. Almost three times wider. The bible also said the Ark was constructed of wood and that it had multiple levels to house the animals in an organized manner.

This has been confirmed as the wood on the Ark was in heavy decay when first brought in to the military hanger. But the bible left something out. They left out the part that the Ark also had an inner hull and shell made of an unknown metal that has no weld seams or blemishes, even to this day. This would make the Ark quite buoyant enabling it to withstand the roughest of sea’s including tidal waves and hurricanes. The vessel also has multiple levels with built in cages with an elaborate drain and air filtering design.

Also found in the Ark is a device believed to be some sort of replicating device that would recycle waste and raw materials and convert it into fresh water and animal food. This device would enable the crew to stock the vessel with supplies and not worry about depleting their resources. If this device can be fully understood, it would give new meaning to the recycling programs in this country. Not to mention water purification centers.

Religious implications that will change the teachings of the bible have also been found inside the Ark. A captains journal, Noah’s journal, has been found inside the living quarters of the Ark. The journal describes the bible story of the great flood. It begins much like the bible’s version with Noah being told by God about a great flood and that the people and animals of the Earth would perish. It was written that the flood would be so great and immense that it would cover the world for 40 days. So far so good.

The next part is where the bible and Noah’s journal part ways. Noah explains in detail that the visitors from the sky had come to help Noah and his family survive. The visitors told Noah of a great fire that was heading toward the earth and when it landed, it would cause a tidal wave that would cover and destroy the world. They would help build him a great Ark so Noah and his family could survive.

Noah was instructed to collect as many farm animals as he could so that they could repopulate the world when the waters subsided. Noah made sure that he had plenty of male and females of each species. Noah worked hand in hand with the visitors for many days until finally the Ark was completed. The visitors then told Noah and his family to enter the Ark and seal it and not to open it until the Visitors came back.

The visitors told Noah that after the flood waters receded, the earth would not look like it did. The fire from the sky along with the waters on the earth would change the landscape forever. Noah and his family would not recognize the world as they knew it. But the visitors would help them in the quest to build a new beginning.

Pretty nice and tidy little ending isn’t it? Not to the Grassy Knoll Institute it isn’t! Continuing in Noah’s journal, he spoke of another sun that appeared in the sky and was getting larger every day. This other sun was actually an asteroid on a collision course with earth.

The aliens, or visitors, knew that the asteroid was to large and that it would destroy the earth and all the living things on it. Having pity on the humans, they decided to help a select few survive. They decided to take Noah and his family with them since their planet would be laid to waste after the asteroid impact. Safe and sound in their sealed up Ark, the alien spacecraft lifted the Ark from the ground and placed it into the cargo hold where they would spend their journey tending the flocks of animals and preparing for a new day and a new world.

The aliens flew at light speed and traveled for over a months time, approximately 40 days and arrived in a very quiet solar system where the third planet from the sun could sustain the life of their passengers. The aliens inspected and surveyed the world and deemed it fit and safe so they informed Noah that the waters were receding and in a day or two, they would be able to spot land.

The aliens then placed the Ark in the sea several miles from shore and told Noah to blow the hatch and to wait for the waters to recede and then embark on his new journey. The sea tides slowly drifted the Ark to shore and Noah’s family walked again on dry land. The first humans on the new planet. Planet Earth. Noah thanked the visitors and a new religion began which has continued to this day.

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