So I was at the Youngstown McDonalds counter this past Christmas shopping season and pulled out my wallet revealing only 7 dollars. I told patty lets get some fries and cokes and be on our way. I pulled out the money and dropped a five dollar bill on the ground. A little boy picked it up quickly. I thought he was going to give it back but he put it in his pocket and began to leave. I then spoke up and said that it was my five dollar bill.
At that moment, the boys mother came over and asked what the problem was. I nicely told her that I dropped a five and her son picked it up. She looked at me, then at the five dollar bill the boy was holding and said, unless your name is Lincoln it don’t have your name on it. This woman was a See You Next Tuesday type of lady and I didn’t want to cause a scene. (Yet!)
So, I let it go. Patty and I got a diet coke and sat down to rest before we continued our Christmas shopping.
I spied the lady and her son a booth away from us. In a few minutes they got up and left. I noticed she left a package behind. I told Patty I was going to take it. I got up and brought it back to our booth.
Just then the lady came back in and said, “Sir I believe you have a package of mine I left behind.” I looked at all the sides of the package and bluntly said, “Unless your name is J.C. Penny, this ain’t your package.”
The woman more sternly said she wanted her package. I told her it was to bad, it was now mine. Finders keepers, losers weepers. We got up and began to leave. She threatened to call the cops. I told her to go right away. Maybe she could use some of that five dollars her son stole from me to place the call. She was screaming at this time and Patty and I hurried out the door and into our Jeep.
When we got in the car, we drove away giving the pursuing woman the flying fickle finger of fate. A mile down the road, I stopped and decided to have a look see what was in the package. It was a long and skinny box, like a box of long stem roses would come in. I tore off the Pennys wrapping paper and snipped the taped ends holding the box closed. I opened it and saw what appeared to be a human leg in the box. Patty and I both stared for a moment at this leg not believing what we were seeing. Grabbing the leg from the bottom I tried to get the leg out of the box but it wouldn’t budge. I pulled and pulled the leg…..
Just like I’m pulling your leg now.
April Fools from the Grassy Knoll Institute
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL