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Posts Tagged ‘football’

Vikings 2011 – If I Had A Rocket Launcher

Posted by LOTGK on April 27, 2011

vikings saints preview

From The Ashes Of 2010

Listen to the tide slowly turning
Wash all our heartaches away
We’re part of the fire that is burning
And from the ashes we can build another day

It’s Springtime, late April, that period of time when football fans begin to turn their attention to the upcoming NFL draft after an active free agent signing period. (What? What’s that you say? There wasn’t any free agency period?) That’s right fans, the NFL owners have locked out the players. Bickering between millionaires (Players) and billionaires, (Owners) is not funny. Nobody wins. The fans lose.

Remember the 1987 debacle when “Replacement” players fielded the stadium as an impasse between the union and owners lasted late into September. Maytag repairmen were literally lining up on the offensive line protecting “Hi-Fi” stereo salesmen slinging the ball to tobacco chewing long-Shoremen. I thought we were supposed to learn from our past, our mistakes.

With the college draft tomorrow, the Minnesota Vikings find themselves exactly where they were 5 years ago. Without a quarterback. That’s right kids, Former coach Brad Childress had five years to find the future QB of the Vikings. How’d that work out for ya Brad? Childress is now developing a new “Kick ass” burger design at a local fast food joint.

Since the Vikings are unable to sign a veteran quarterback due to the lockout, they must reach for one in the draft. The Vikings have Joe Webb at quarterback. That is it folks. Although Webb flashed some brilliance in his brief appearances in 2010, he is a raw talent that needs several years to develop.

With no free agent signings and no experience at quarterback, that leaves new head coach Leslie Frazier with his work cut out for him to right the listless Viking ship.

If I were in charge of the Vikings I would…..

* With the 12th over all pick in the 2011 NFL draft, the Vikings select… It better be a quarterback. I know Newton and Gabbert will more than likely be gone, but that leaves Mallet and Locker plus Ponder and Dalton. Mallet has the arm, strength, and size, and Locker has the speed and mobility. Vikings need to reach for one of these two. However, scouts claim Ponder is the most ready to start out of the bunch. I’ll go out on a limb here and select Ponder.

* Get Er Done. The stadium deal. Either agree on a stadium or I move the team. I’m sick and tired of the bullshit rhetoric of the governing body in Minnesota. Cal you say L.A. Vikings, or Columbus Vikings.

* TJax out. Put an end to any speculation that Jackson will be on the team in 2011. He’s brittle, he’s had five years. I don’t have anymore time for him.

* Explain to Adrian Peterson that the Underground Railroad is not the same as the Velvet Underground. (The Underground Railroad was an informal network of secret routes and safe houses used by 19th-century black slaves in the United States to escape to free states)
(The Velvet Underground was a rock and roll movement in the 1960’s headed by Lou Reed. Take a walk on the wild side baby)

* Explain to Bryant McKinnie that lifting 12 ounce cans at Miami bars is not conditioning for the upcoming 2011 season. I would cut his dead weight ass and his $49 million dollar contract.

* Sign Sidney Rice when the NFL agrees on a contract. He and Percy Harvin will create havoc for defenses.

* I would not. I repeat, I would not re-re-sign Randy Moss. No matter what he says, or doesn’t say. That dog don’t hunt no more. Three times is not a charm.

* I’m embarrassed for the Vikings cheerleaders. They are forced to wear 1950’s style “Glamor costumes” from an era long passed by. You want more fans in the seats. You want more media buzz. Outfit the Viking cheerleaders with third Millennium uniforms. Show some skin for Pete’s sake. And for Pat’s sake.

* Jim Marshal and Cris Carter deserve to be in the Hall of Fame. I would immediately get on the PR blitz machine spotlighting these great athlete’s careers. As it stands now, without these men enshrined, it will remain the Hall Of Shame.

* When the CBA is finally signed, I would jettison Ray Edwards. Sign Donovan McNabb to help mentor the rookie quarterback, seek out a quality receiver better than Hank Baskett, (Perhaps some of the 1987 replacement Maytag repairmen want another crack at playing) sign a solid LT and center.

* Beef up security to prevent Brett Favre from entering the facility. He has played his last down in a Viking uniform. Perhaps he will get the itch come late August to play again. I wish him well with another team.

* And on the second day on the job…

SKOL VIKINGS!

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World Cup Canceled Due To Giant Alien Infestation

Posted by LOTGK on June 12, 2010

Giant Aliens Goal.........

Tragedy struck today at the World Cup of soccer as a Giant Alien burst onto the playing field during a match between England and the United States. Alas, this was the first year the American team actually had a shot of advancing.

More news as it develops.

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President Kennedy – Tough On Defense

Posted by LOTGK on August 8, 2009

presidentkennedy66

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jfk66b 001

John Kennedy (2nd from right, front row) poses with his varsity football team. John is described as “a tiger on defense.”

Number 66 in a series of 77 John F. Kennedy cards.

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Game 14: Vikings Defeat Cardinals 35-14

Posted by LOTGK on December 14, 2008

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jackson-game-14

How Do You Like Me Now

Last week during the post game interview, Vikings tight end Shiancoe flashed the FOX network reporters inadvertently as Jackson was being interviewed. Shiancoe had a towel that wasn’t doing its job in covering him up. This week, Tarvaris Jackson flashed what everyone hoped he would do. Jackson went 11-17 for 163 yards and four touchdowns.

Five Fast Facts:
*The Minnesota Vikings are 9-5, guaranteeing a winning season for Brad Childress.
*The Vikings have won their last four games.
*The Vikings are 8-2 in their last ten games.
*The Vikings are peaking at the right time.
*Adrian Peterson is the best running back in the NFL.

Bernard Berrian must read Viking Thunder. Last week I asked why the hell he is back for punt returns. His answer was an 82 yarder for a TD. He also added a 40 yard TD catch.

Adrian Peterson carried the ball today with his shoelaces untied. He came out of the game the next play. The CIA immediately confiscated his shoe to eliminate any more threats of shoes being thrown at president George Bush. Peterson surpassed Robert Smiths single season rushing record of 1520 yards today. Peterson now has 1581 yards with two games remaining. Peterson was shooting for 2000 yards this season. He’ll need 209 yards per game for the next two games to reach that.

The Vikings, under coach Brad Childress are in uncharted territory. The Packers are eliminated from the playoffs. The Bears are one game behind the Vikings with the Vikings owning the tie breaker. Tarvaris Jackson has a QB rating of 96 with fans actually cheering for him. Brad Childress has a winning record. Uncharted territory indeed.

The Vikings finish the regular season at home hosting the Falcons next week and the Giants the final week. A win or one loss by the Bears and they are NFC North champs. The pressure is now on for Pat Williams left today’s game with a shoulder injury. Both the Falcons and Giants rely heavily on their run offense. With part of the Williams wall on the sideline will change the dynamics of the Viking defense. Lets hope Pat’s OK and can play next week.

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Game 11: Vikings Defeat Jaguars 30-12

Posted by LOTGK on November 23, 2008

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Childress VS Williamson - Title Fight

Childress VS Williamson - Title Fight

In this corner, fighting out of the antiquated Minnesota Vikings stadium is Brad “Kick Ass” Childress. He brings an abysmal 19-21 record with him but has all the support of ownership and management. (And apparently plenty of nude pictures of Zygi as well) Childress stands a feisty 5′ 8″ inches tall (One inch shorter than the head elf at Santa’s workshop) and weighs in at 190 pounds.

The challenger, fighting out of Jacksonville, Florida is Troy, “Venus De Milo” Williamson. Troy sports a 4 catch 27 yard 2008 season but as his coach stated, Troy and I see eye to eye. Sort of anyway. Williamson stands at a solid 6′ 1″ inches tall and weighs an even 200 pounds.

The two met at Jacksonville stadium, 50 yard line, center field, Jaguars emblem, at 1 pm Sunday afternoon.

Viking Thunder reporters asked how the site was agreed upon, and Williamson stated that, “We can duke it out anywhere, but the 50-yard line is the perfect place.” However, Childress was concerned about fines and suspensions since this wasn’t a sanctioned bout. He was hoping for a buffer zone, so no matter what the outcome, he could continue his quest for a .500 season. Williamson also said he wanted a fluffer as well until he was told, “Buffer” not, “Fluffer.” (A term used in porn movies, usually a girl on her knee’s utilizing her oral talents to keep the male talent woody for action) Next he’ll be asking for a key grip and a best boy.

As usual for any boxing match, barbs were exchanged before the fight in hopes of getting into the head of one’s opponent. Childress asked Williamson how the Nike eye tests were working out. Williamson replied about as good as his kick ass offense. Williamson stated that he was so confident in the outcome of this match that he would fight Childress with both hands tied behind his back. Childress replied that is also how Williamson plays football.

Williamson stated that his age and conditioning and lightning speed will be more than Childress can handle. Childress countered stating that he had a few tricks on his clipboard and he wasn’t really concerned about Troy’s speed. He said, “My boxing gloves are football colored with white laces. Williamson will never see my punches coming.”

LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE…….

To his credit, Brad Childress and the Minnesota Vikings came prepared for this contest but alas Troy Williamson and the Jaguars were a no show.

The first 15 seconds in the first round, the Vikings delivered a brutal left hook picking up a botched snap and linebacker Harris rumbled 30 yards to the endzone for a quick score. The Jags took a standing eight count. Still in the first round, the Jags were knocked down once again as the Vikings connected with a straight right hand recovering a fumble on the kickoff. The Vikings scored seconds later as the Jags looked woozy and the referee was about to stop the contest.

The Jaguars survived the first round flurry of the Vikings and came out swinging in the second round. Jacksonville countered with a tremendous kick return and three jabs later, connected with a solid straight right hand from Garrard for a touchdown.

Late in the third round, the Vikings jabbed and jabbed and connected on long field goal to end the round. After three rounds, all three judges had the Vikings ahead on points.

In rounds four, five and six, heavy shots were exchanged but no knock down blows occurred as Jacksonville booted a short field goal. After six rounds, all three judges had the Vikings ahead on their scorecards.

Rounds seven, eight and nine had both teams exchanging blows but no heavy damage was done except for a short jab by the Vikings for another field goal. After nine rounds, all three judges had the Vikings well ahead and a knockout would be needed for the Jags to win.

Round ten opened with an extended flurry by the Vikings capping a 22 yard field goal. Round eleven was more of the same for the Vikings as they wore out the Jaguars with Peterson pounding it hard delivering another knockdown with a 16 yard touchdown scamper. In round twelve, the Vikings toyed with the Jags doing a little rope a dope electing to take a safety since they were well ahead on points.

The final score card had all three judges scoring the bout 30-12, Vikings, unanimous victors. All of this without Childress throwing a single punch at Williamson.

Observations Of The Game:

Gus Frerotte took a beating today. Perhaps this really was a boxing contest for Gus got knocked down half a dozen times.

I was hoping to see a version of the “Wildcat” offense implemented by the Vikings today.

Sidney Rice showed up today and played well.

Chester Taylor is a hell of a running back. I’m glad he is a Viking.

Was Adrian Peterson being punished today for his shouting match with position coach Eric Bienemy. If so, WTF Childress?

Shiancoe played well two weeks in a row.

With Cook on the bench, the Vikings did not have a single false start penalty called against them today.

The Vikings pass defense is pretty bad. Garrard picked them apart today.

I liked the reverses by Bernard Berrian. Open the playbook wide open Childress, its the press to the playoffs. Don’t hold anything back.

Special teams gave up big yards again today. Although they did have a fumble recovery, they allowed over 200 return yards today. Not acceptable at all.

The Vikings are 6-5, the Bears are 6-5, the Slackers play on Monday night, and the Lions are 0-11. Next weeks game against the Bears could very well be for first place in the division. Lets hope the Vikings can deliver a knockout blow to the Bears.

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory

Sladewilson: The War Journal Vol. 2

Entertainment Reviews - Video Games, Music, Television, Movies for the urban warrior... Adult Themes. Parential discretion advised...

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Ahrcanum

Conspiracy, HAARP, Earthquakes, Volcano's, Weather Modification, H1N1, Swine Flu, NWO, Politics, and other hedonistic topical articles from The CEO & Czar of The Committee In My Head. Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

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