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Posts Tagged ‘april fools humor’

Heidi Montag’s New Giant Breasts

Posted by LOTGK on April 1, 2011

Heidi Montag Goes One Size More

Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery team prepares for her next breast augmentation.

In an attempt to boost her sagging reality star career, Heidi Montag optioned for yet another breast augmentation. Preparation for her procedure has taken weeks to construct the special bra that she must wear to support her new breasts until the swelling goes down. Above is a sneak peak at Heidi’s new bra as technicians complete some minor alterations.

Spencer Pratt is a bigger boob than Heidi’s talents. And by talents, we mean her boobs. And by boobs, we mean orbs, or moons, or satellites, small planets.

aprilfoolsicon32

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Posted in April Fools Day | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan Exposes The Fire Crotch

Posted by LOTGK on April 1, 2011

Lindsay Exposes Herself

Lindsay Lohan, now forever known as just “Lindsay” after her official court registered name change, was caught speeding on Highway 101 en route to yet another one of her court appearances.

Angered that the police actually stopped Lohan Lindsay, she climbed out of her Maserati and proceeded to give the arresting officer a tongue lashing never before seen or heard. As Lindsay got out of the car, she exposed her fire crotch to the police officers.(Footage should be airing on YouTube in about 15 minutes)

In Lohans Lindsay’s defense, she claims now that she is known legally as just Lindsay, she should be given a “Pass” on her first offense and permitted to return to her regularly scheduled itinerary of club hopping and looking for the right movie role. The officers weren’t buying it.

Addendum: The court rejected Fire Crotch and Sams Man as valid name changes.
____________________________________________________________

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Posted in April Fools Day | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Elite Sniper School Test Revealed

Posted by LOTGK on April 1, 2010

I want to thank everyone who put up with our rapid fire Grassy Knoll Institute Ion news delivery today. We promise, things will get back to normal in less than 30 minutes. We now return control of the Internet back to your computer. As an added bonus, or burden depending on your perspective, we will offer up one more update today. Many have emailed us asking if we are hiring and what it takes to work at the secret lair of the Grassy Knoll Institute. Read below (Me) and if you answer the same way, you need serious fucking help.

In the quest to be battle ready against the vanguard of giant aliens roaming the earth bent on dominating humankind, the Grassy Knoll Institute has established an elite first line of defense sniper school. Only the best of the best marksmen need apply.

Upon approval, candidates will be put through 6 months of rigorous training to hone aim, skill, and mental state. Those select candidates that complete the training will be given one final verbal test consisting of only one scenario.

This is how one such candidate answered out query scoring a perfect 100% grade.

Here is the scenario you must act upon and answer to complete your training.

You are positioned in a tree dressed in full camouflage. The tree is on the edge of a clearing. The clearing is your kill zone. Your mission is you must kill the first thing, whatever it will be, that enters the kill zone, and you must kill it with your first shot. Until you have completed this mission, you must sit in that tree. You must not move, eat, drink, pee, or anything else, lest you scare your target away.

After you have been sitting in that tree for twelve hours, seeing the weather change from the hot sun into a driving cold rain not moving a muscle, a six-year old girl enters the clearing, with a baby on her arm. What is the very first thing that you feel?

“Sir, recoil, Sir!”

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Lindsay Lohan Surprise Guest on Lost Finale

Posted by LOTGK on April 1, 2010

Lohan Smoking Again

Contrary to earlier reports that Lindsay Lohan was found dead on the red carpet in Hollywood earlier this morning, we can happily confirm she is alive and her career is getting a much needed boost.

In a bold move to boost ratings for the Lost series finale, ABC studios has contracted Lindsay Lohan to portray a female Smoke Monster. Ms. Lohan will be battling the island’s evil smoke monster for dominance of the island.

The Grassy Knoll Institute was able to obtain a few stills of the series finale. In this scene, during an alternate reality sideways flash, you can see Lindsay transforming into the smoke monster. Lindsay is headed to a posh night club to listen to her favorite DJ Sam.

aprilfoolsicon32

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Posted in April Fools Day | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Vikings Release Brett Favre

Posted by LOTGK on April 1, 2010

Its Good To Be The Quarterback

The Minnesota Vikings, in a two pronged attempt to boost sagging season ticket sales and apply pressure on the legislature for a new stadium, released Brett Favre from his contract. Owner Zygi Wilf and head coach Brad Childress both stated that the window of opportunity for the Superbowl is closing and that every team member had to be on board by the start of mini camp for that to become a reality.

In Favre’s place, the Vikings signed a relatively unknown free agent from Atlanta Georgia. Her forty time is slow but she has plenty of wiggle. Her arm strength is weak but her form is perfect and solid. She is certainly to be a favorite inside the locker room.

Sports analysts believe this is a ploy to force Favre into making a decision sooner rather than later about his retirement. Favre was quoted as saying that he would come back for ten more seasons if his center looked that good.

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Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory

Sladewilson: The War Journal Vol. 2

Entertainment Reviews - Video Games, Music, Television, Movies for the urban warrior... Adult Themes. Parential discretion advised...

Doooh Head

\"They all say Doooh\"

Ahrcanum

Conspiracy, HAARP, Earthquakes, Volcano's, Weather Modification, H1N1, Swine Flu, NWO, Politics, and other hedonistic topical articles from The CEO & Czar of The Committee In My Head. Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Grassy Knoll Institute

Home Of The 99 Cent Conspiracy Theory

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