Thought Screen Helmet Haiku

You Will Make Me A Cheese Sandwich

A Thought Screen Helmet Haiku by the Grassy Knoll Institute:

What am I thinking,
Time to don thought screen helmet,
Evil aliens.

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Alien Abductees Living In Giant Dollhouse

Living In A Doll House

Case Solved: From the Boardman Police Cold Case files
The mysterious disappearance involving Marge and Henry Adams sheds new light.
Marge and Henry Adams were last seen March 15th, 1954 on the way to the local market. Several neighbors remember waving to them as they drove down the neighborhood street. Their car was found abandoned about 2 miles from their home in a vacant lot.

An intense search was conducted at their home in hopes of finding a lead or clue to their whereabouts. Police found no letter or ransom note. It appeared that no foul play befell them as the doors and windows were locked and the house was in good order.

Marge and Henry Adams were never found. After several weeks of running down leads and shaking bushes, the Boardman police department halted the investigation and declared the Adams missing and the case went cold.

Until…

One daring Grassy Knoll operative covertly stowed away onto a giant alien craft during one of its routine landings to leave map markers for the invading fleet to follow. (Most people believe these to be crop circles.) The Grassy knoll operative quickly downloaded important intel from the mass of archived files from the giant aliens database.

Upon reviewing the data, one particular abductees file came to light. It was the file on Marge and Henry Adams. They were taken back in 54 to study the habits of humans and to learn their weaknesses. The internal file reads that the aliens caged the Adams family in a horrific giant-sized doll house and observed them night and day. They were fed and offered clothing to keep them alive and warm. They were permitted to exercise outside their home in a fenced in area four hours every week. The only entertainment permitted was a radio that picked up broadcasts from the Earth.

The Adams lived 21 more years in captivity and interrogated daily about the American way of life but not once did they offer any valuable intel. Alas, the file states that the Adams were eliminated (Murdered) after a failed escape attempt.

Case closed.

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NFL Lockout Attributed To Alien Influence

Labor Dispute

Grassy Knoll Institute operative declare Thought Screen Helmet aliens have infiltrated the NFL and caused the lockout.

As the NFL lockout stretches into the middle of July evidence it is evident that thought screen aliens have influenced both the players association and the owners for their own ulterior motives.

With no training camp, preseason games, or regular season games in 2011, football fans will look for alternative activities to fill their daily lives. Thought screen aliens believe the NFL football fan will be more easily manipulated with plenty of idle time and will telepathically push them toward other interests that the aliens need to conquer humankind.

God, please don’t let the aliens be NASCAR fans.

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WikiLeaks Hacked By Giant Aliens

Giant Alien Intel

In a reversal of roles, Wiki-Leaks, the nefarious non-profit website publisher of classified media from governments around the world, has been hacked. An elite team of giant aliens infiltrated Wiki-Leaks files during a routine server reboot. Terabytes of valuable information was downloaded concerning strategy and assessment of the enemy which will certainly damage the war effort against the giant aliens poised to take over the world.

One data disk was left behind by the aliens with an encrypted file

After decoding the file, it merely read….

Processing… processing… processing… and a single link was present named Fresh Hell.

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