Minneapolis 911 Call Center: (Phone Ringing)
911 Operator: Minnesota 911 Emergency Center, what is your emergency?
Frantic Caller: Help me please. I’m being held hostage against my will!
911 Operator: Sir, that is what ‘Hostage” means.
Frantic Caller: No, I mean an anonymous phone text was just aired all over the sports networks claiming that Brett Favre may or may not have called it quits.
911 Operator: (To her supervisor) Chief, we have another Brett Favre situation on our hands.
Chief: Damn that Favre. Damn him all to Hell. We don’t have the resources to respond to the amount of calls this Jackass generates.
911 Operator: Err, Chief. The caller, he can hear you!
Chief: Yes, right then. Tell the caller that Brett Favre will return to the Vikings after the heavy lifting of training camp is complete and that he will play this season, no matter what any network bobble head reports.
Frantic Caller: Yes, I heard. Thank the Lord.
This Sunday, the traditional NFL Hall Of Fame football game kickoffs in Canton, Ohio. Coincidence that the ultimate media whore, Brett Favre, like the swallows returning to Capistrano every year, is once again entrenched in retirement controversy. I think not.
Here’s the skinny Viking fans: A bobble head reporter announced that Brett Favre is retiring. How did this bobble head know this information? Because of a Phantom text message Favre supposedly sent to several Viking team mates saying, “This is it!”
Perhaps this text was completely taken out of context. What if Favre was sending Jenn Sterger a picture of his penis with the title header, “This is it!” See how a simple text message can be misconstrued? I thought so!
Note to Brett.
It’s OK. We understand what you’re doing. You want to play another season for the Vikings but you don’t want to go through the grueling training camp. How do you do this without looking like a douche bag to your team mates? Use your ankle injury as a cover story. Announce that it is not yet 100% and you won’t make that decision until it is. And that should be right around August 25th, just a few days before the third pre-season game.
Side Note: I believe Childress and Favre have a gentlemen’s agreement this season. Favre will come to camp at the end of August and resume his position as starter. Otherwise, Childress would have certainly pursued McNabb or one of the high profile rookie quarterbacks in the draft. The Jackson and Rosenfels experiment is over. Mark my words Viking fans. Tim Tebow will be a star in three years.
Contrary to popular belief, there are other players on the Vikings, and one of them has an expanding ego problem. Can you guess who I’m referring to? Go ahead, think a moment or two. (Tick-Tock) It’s Adrian Peterson! After the Favre retirement story broke, Peterson was interviewed not concerning his play, his knee, or his propensity to fumble, but who he wanted to quarterback the Vikings.
You could tell Peterson was ticked at that line of questioning. It made him out to be just another player on the team, just another running back worshiping at the Favre altar. Peterson retorted something to the effect, “Who do I want handing me the ball. Favre of course.” Peterson also added this ego boost by saying, (Paraphrase) That’s like if I decided to say, I’m done playing. Of course the team would have a better chance at winning if they had me on the team. But I want to stay focused on camp.
Where’s my phone, I have a 911 call to make…..
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL