Frantic 911 Call

And So It Begins

Minneapolis 911 Call Center: (Phone Ringing)
911 Operator: Minnesota 911 Emergency Center, what is your emergency?
Frantic Caller: Help me please. I’m being held hostage against my will!
911 Operator: Sir, that is what ‘Hostage” means.
Frantic Caller: No, I mean an anonymous phone text was just aired all over the sports networks claiming that Brett Favre may or may not have called it quits.
911 Operator: (To her supervisor) Chief, we have another Brett Favre situation on our hands.
Chief: Damn that Favre. Damn him all to Hell. We don’t have the resources to respond to the amount of calls this Jackass generates.
911 Operator: Err, Chief. The caller, he can hear you!
Chief: Yes, right then. Tell the caller that Brett Favre will return to the Vikings after the heavy lifting of training camp is complete and that he will play this season, no matter what any network bobble head reports.
Frantic Caller: Yes, I heard. Thank the Lord.

This Sunday, the traditional NFL Hall Of Fame football game kickoffs in Canton, Ohio. Coincidence that the ultimate media whore, Brett Favre, like the swallows returning to Capistrano every year, is once again entrenched in retirement controversy. I think not.

Here’s the skinny Viking fans: A bobble head reporter announced that Brett Favre is retiring. How did this bobble head know this information? Because of a Phantom text message Favre supposedly sent to several Viking team mates saying, “This is it!”

Perhaps this text was completely taken out of context. What if Favre was sending Jenn Sterger a picture of his penis with the title header, “This is it!” See how a simple text message can be misconstrued? I thought so!

Note to Brett.
It’s OK. We understand what you’re doing. You want to play another season for the Vikings but you don’t want to go through the grueling training camp. How do you do this without looking like a douche bag to your team mates? Use your ankle injury as a cover story. Announce that it is not yet 100% and you won’t make that decision until it is. And that should be right around August 25th, just a few days before the third pre-season game.

Side Note: I believe Childress and Favre have a gentlemen’s agreement this season. Favre will come to camp at the end of August and resume his position as starter. Otherwise, Childress would have certainly pursued McNabb or one of the high profile rookie quarterbacks in the draft. The Jackson and Rosenfels experiment is over. Mark my words Viking fans. Tim Tebow will be a star in three years.

Contrary to popular belief, there are other players on the Vikings, and one of them has an expanding ego problem. Can you guess who I’m referring to? Go ahead, think a moment or two. (Tick-Tock) It’s Adrian Peterson! After the Favre retirement story broke, Peterson was interviewed not concerning his play, his knee, or his propensity to fumble, but who he wanted to quarterback the Vikings.

You could tell Peterson was ticked at that line of questioning. It made him out to be just another player on the team, just another running back worshiping at the Favre altar. Peterson retorted something to the effect, “Who do I want handing me the ball. Favre of course.” Peterson also added this ego boost by saying, (Paraphrase) That’s like if I decided to say, I’m done playing. Of course the team would have a better chance at winning if they had me on the team. But I want to stay focused on camp.

Where’s my phone, I have a 911 call to make…..

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Vikings Defeat Cowboys In Divisional Playoffs 34-3

How Bout Them Cowboys

All week-long I heard about the Cowboys defensive line players Ware and Spears and how they were going to disrupt the Vikings offense and sack Favre. Ware had one sack, Spears zero. Spears only had one tackle all game. He never got close to sniffing a sack. kudos to the Viking offensive line.

However, for the Vikings, Ray Edwards was up to the challenge of the Cowboys and their quarterback Tony Romo. Edwards played like a man possessed registering three sacks and five tackles, one for a seven yard loss plus a forced fumble.

The rest of the Viking defense came to play as well. Six sacks, two fumble recoveries, and an interception is just the beginning. Romo was held to under 200 yards passing, Jones was held to under 70 yards rushing, and the Viking defense held the Cowboys out of the end zone the entire game. For a team anointed the hottest team in the playoffs, the Cowboys played rather tepid. (I knew that playoff ticket to Jessica Simpson was well spent.)

I have to admit, Felix Jones frightened me. His speed killed the Eagles but the Vikings kept him in check all day. Even nose tackle pat Williams ran him down for a tackle for loss of yards.

Walking On Sunshine, Oh Yea!

Sidney Rice tied a playoff record with his three touchdown receptions against the Boys. I think that’s why Favre passed the ball on that last play up 27-3. To get Rice that fourth touchdown and the record. Since Dallas blitzed, he switched to Shiancoe instead. Even without the TD, Rice ended with 6 catches for 141 yards and three TD’s.

The Vikings travel to the Superdome on Sunday to face the Saints in the NFC championship game. Both teams match up well both offensively and defensively. Just take a look.

Brett Favre VS Drew Brees.
Sidney Rice VS Marquis Coltson.
Percy Harvin versus Reggie Bush.
Vesanthe Shiancoe VS Jeremy Shockey
Adrian Peterson VS Pierre Thomas.
Ryan Longwell VS Garrett Hartley.
Kevin Williams VS Sedrick Ellis
Jared Allen VS Will Smith
Antoine Winfield VS Tracy Porter
Ben Leber VS Jonathan Vilma
Madiea Williams VS Darren Sharper
Brad Childress VS Sean Peyton
(All right. The Saints Peyton has Childress outgunned.)

I think the difference will be Adrian Peterson, the forgotten piece of the Vikings attack. He needs an enormous day. 120 plus yards rushing. To keep the Saints offense off the field. Keep the score down. To control the clock. Manage the crowd noise. If Peterson gets going early, the Vikings win. If the Saints contain Peterson, Nostradamus will be wrong.

Can’t wait for Sunday…

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Vikings Defeat Giants 44-7 01/03/2010

All Pro Receiver Sidney Rice

The New York Giants could have saved some hotel and airfare and mailed in their game on Sunday. The Giants looked pathetic. Heartless. Losers. And that was bad having to play the Vikings, a team that needed a win to remain in the hunt for the elusive second seed of the NFC and a bye week in the playoffs.

The Vikings came out swinging knocking the Giants out in the first possession. Brett Favre completed over 80% of his passes for 316 yards and 4 touchdowns for an almost perfect 148.7 passer rating.

A welcome sight, Adrian Peterson did not fumble the ball and when he was in heavy coverage or in contact with defenders, he wrapped both hands around the ball. His stats for the game, 9 carries, 54 yards, and one touchdown.

Sidney Rice came to play Sunday, as he has every week. His 6 catch for 112 yards and two touchdowns is the reason why he is in the pro bowl.

Percy Harvin solidified his rookie of the year status with a 7 catch for 59 yards performance and a rush for 22 yards.

Visanthe Shiancoe, tight end, 7 catches, 94 yards, one touchdown.

Jared Allen with another sack and a forced fumble. Chad Greenway with a diving interception. The offensive line avoiding any sacks on Favre, Longwell kicking straight and true, the defense holding the Giants to 181 total yards.

That is how a team responds to adversity. That is how a team steps up to the next level. That is how a team takes home field advantage. That is exactly how a team is supposed to enter the playoffs. That is exactly why the Vikings will win.

The Vikings are at 12-4, NFC North Champs, second seed in the playoffs. An extra week off allowing the players to rest and heal up, Pat Williams, Hutchinson, Winfield.

It is now time for the Vikings to take create their own destiny, damn the gods and torpedoes, and reach what is in their grasp.

A SUPER BOWL TITLE!

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Vikings Lose To Bears 36-30 In OT 12/28/2009

Laying Blame

Welcome Viking fans. You’re just in time to play “The Viking Blame Game. It’s so easy to do, everyone is playing. It’s fun for the entire family. What a minute, you don’t know how to play the Viking Blame Game? Here’s how to play. Use Monday nights loss to the Bears as the playing field, then simply point a finger at who you believe deserves to be blamed for the loss.

Let me start for you, and then you just follow in behind me.
Head coach, Brad Childress. You’re to blame for the loss. (See how easy that is!) (You can score more points if you give a reason why blame is to be had) Childress knew Antoine Winfield was not 100% back from his foot injury, and yet, he allowed him to play. The results of that decision, Winfield got burned repeatedly for long pass plays and several touchdowns including the 40 yard game winner in overtime.

No, Adrian Peterson is to blame. He always fumbles the ball. Just like last night, in overtime, he catches a pass and runs for a first down but right before he gets tackled, the ball is stripped out of his hands, (Arguably the strongest hands in the NFL) and falls to the turf recovered by the Bears. The results, two plays later Cutler throws a 40 yard TD pass covered by Winfield to win the game.

No, Peterson is not to blame. It’s the running back coach. He should have from season one trained Peterson to hold the ball in a more secure fashion. Teach him how to cover it up in traffic and when contact is initiated. He should have reminded him as he was running out to the huddle during overtime that the Bears are going to try to strip him of the ball.

No, you got it all wrong. Ryan Longwell is to blame for the loss. He missed an extra point which would have given the Vikings a 31-30 edge and no overtime. Plus Longwell had one of the worst nights at kickoffs. He never got one past the 20 yard line allowing the returner to give the Bears excellent field position. And on the one kickoff, Longwell didn’t even attempt to tackle the Bear returner.

Placeholder and punter Kluwe is to blame. He botched a simple extra point hold and netted a 15 yard punt allowing the Bears excellent field position.

Although Longwell kicked poorly, he wasn’t to blame. Special teams was to blame. They were lousy last night allowing massive kick return yardage setting up the Bears offense on a short field.

It wasn’t special teams. It was Ben Leber. He’s to blame! He dropped two interceptions thrown right to him that would have turned the game around and stop the Bears from driving and give the Vikings good field position.

If you’re looking to point fingers at who is to blame. It falls squarely on Jasper Brinkley. He got called for a stupid penalty and couldn’t cover the Bears tight end allowing him to score a TD and key first downs.

Well, the blame starts up front. The offensive line. LT McKinnie is playing like he wishes he were in Miami, not at the Super Bowl, but on vacation, soaking up rays on the beach.

And Loadholt, he got that stupid holding penalty nullifying Harvin’s catch and run to the 15 yard line for a first down. Instead, the Vikings punted eliminating a scoring drive. Loadholt is to blame.

Now wait just a darn tootin minute. What about Favre. He fumbled the ball last night. At a critical time. He’s to blame.

Why blame just one player. The entire defensive line played lousy. They only had one sack. The Vikings lead the NFL in sacks and they only got one sack on Cutler.

Don’t forget about Reynaud, punt returner. He let plenty of returnable punts hit the turf and roll off valuable yardage instead of catching and running. He is to blame for the loss.

The referee’s are to blame. They cheated last night. They were holding Sidney Rice on pass plays, roughed Favre, face-masked Peterson, hit Peterson out-of-bounds, and not one of those penalties were called. The ref’s had it out for the Vikings and they controlled the game and they are to blame for the loss.

The announcers jinxed the Vikings last night and they are to blame. They showed a stat that Favre is 0-42 in comebacks when the team is down by 17 points. If they didn’t show that stat, the Vikings would have won.

Zygi Wilf is to blame along with the Minnesota legislature. Wilf should have some how got a new open air stadium completed three years ago so the Vikings would be more prepared playing in cold weather.

I blame Dennis Green because he took a knee in 1998. Shit rolled downhill from then. Toss in Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper just because.

I blame the economy and president Obama for not bailing the Vikings out offering them tax credit money to build a new stadium. If the banks of America and auto industry can secure billions upon billions of dollars in loans, what’s a paltry 900 million?

The Vikings played themselves right out of the playoff bye week. Instead, the Saints secured home field throughout and now the Vikings do not control their own destiny. They must now beat the Giants and hope the Cowboys beat the Eagles. That’s pathetic. While other teams are peaking, the Vikings have shot their wad and packed it in. Three losses in the last four games. If the Vikings thought Chicago was cold in December, they ain’t gonna like Philadelphia in January. If they even get that far.

Nothing is easy when you are a Viking fan. A few weeks ago we were all thinking home field, bye week, super bowl. Today, very solemn. Visions of how the Jets and Favre collapsed in December last year and how it’s happening to the Vikings this year. Visions of Peterson continuing his fumbling. Childress continuing his Napoleon complex. The Eagles routing the Vikings in last years playoff game.

In effect, the Vikings have no one to blame but themselves. From ownership on down. No one play, or player, or game is to blame.

I think Michael Stipe from R.E.M. sums up the Viking season so far when he sang….

If you could see yourself now, baby
It’s not my fault
You used to be so in control
You’re going to roll right over this one
Just roll me over, let me go
You’re laying blame
Take this as no, no, no

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
Blame, blame, blame
You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
It’s not my thing so let it go

If you could see yourself now baby,
The tables have turned
The whole world hinges on your swings
Your secret life of indiscreet discretions
I’d turn the screw and leave the screen,
Don’t point your finger,
You know that’s not my thing

You came to bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
Blame, blame, blame
You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
It’s not my thing so let it go, now

You’ve got a little worry,
I know it all too well,
I’ve got your number,
But so does every kiss-and-tell
Who dares to cross your threshold,
Or happens on your way,
Stop laying blame
You know that’s not my thing

SKOL VIKINGS!

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