It was 1980. A new decade. A new hope. Hopefully a new job. I was 20 years old and a Junior in college when the planets cosmically aligned thus setting me on a strange and bizarre sojourn as a newly hired employee at a little red pole barn in Columbiana. This sojourn is titled, “My Office Has A Window” even though in reality, there were no windows at all.
Chapter 13 Wham Bam Thank You Mam
(hey man) oh leave me alone you know
(hey man) oh Henry, get off the phone, I gotta
(hey man) I gotta straighten my face
This mellow thighed chick just put my spine out of place
One day, early in June, Mac (The American Legion Lover) was bent over on his hands and knee’s stocking the shelves in the warehouse when out of nowhere Barney came sneaking in. Being the prankster that he was, Barney snuck up behind Mac and attempted to mount him. He then started to simulate a sex act so heinous, decorum won’t permit me to describe it.
This was a harmless prank for sure, but Barney did not notice that he had an audience. There were customers in the warehouse shopping and they looked on in horror. Perhaps they thought they were witnessing the filming of an X-rated movie. All that was needed was some funky 70′s disco music to complete the scene. (Bow Chica Bow wow) Unbeknownst to Mac and Barney, the customers could see them plain as day and they started to scatter out of the showroom faster than the infamous “Ouzo Gyro Combo Night” clearing of the warehouse by our one and only Benny.
Luckily, no complaints were filed, (Hell, we were in farrn country. Perhaps this type of act was expected) nor were there any phone orders for the new “Warehouse Video” and life as we knew it was back to normal for the crew. Except, from that day on, Mac and the rest of us assumed a different posture when stocking the shelves, ever keeping a vigil eye on where Barney was at all times.
LURKING, I NEED SOME WINDEX ON THE GRASSY KNOLL