October is Halloween month and that means the Grassy Knoll Institute rocket scientists are hunkered down at their secret laboratory evaluating all the wannabe entries for the coveted title of “Best Melons 2008.”

Meet “Goth 80, the first contestant of the Best Melons category. Miss Goth loves dark poetry, long walks in abandoned buildings, and the entire ‘Saw’ video collection.

Place your vote for Goth 80 in the comments section below.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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The Grassy Knoll Institute has a message to all you non-believers in magic, the occult, ghosts, spirits, Halloween, and the powers of the Ouija board.

Give the Ouija board a few seconds to psychic link to your mind. It will spell out its answer to you.

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Childress Squeezing Blood From A Turnip

The Vikings travel to the Superdome this Monday night to face the New Orleans Saints. The Saints are clicking as quarterback drew Brees is off to another all pro season averaging over 300 yards per game and a 72% completion rate. And oh yea, only 4 sacks.

The Saints also get Duece back which will shore up the running game allowing the Saints to position Reggie Bush in many different looks.

But all is not well for the Saints. All pro receiver Colston is out, along with tight end Shockey. Still, expect to see Brees spread the ball around and put up big numbers as he has this season.

For the 1-3 Vikings, its all about faith at this point in the season. As in, do the players believe that coach Brad Childress can lead them to the promised land (Or at least out of their own zip code) or does the season go to hell in a hand basket?

Seriously, (I kid you not, I mean seriously) the offense must show up and click early Monday night or the entire team will shut down. If the Vikings go three and out the first and second time they have the ball, the Saints will blow them out.

Bernard Berrian and Sidney Rice are both questionable for Monday. If they cannot go, Allison, Wade, and Ferguson have to step it up.

For the Saints to win:
Brees must maintain his all pro level and avoid the sack. Duece must run hard between the tackles opening up the passing game. Bush must pick up the slack of Colston and Shockey and stretch the field. On defense, simply stack the line and stop Peterson from any big gains and make Frerotte and the hobbled receivers beat them.

For the Vikings to win:
From the start, they must get Brees out of his comfort zone. The front D line must pressure and sack Brees. The linebackers must stay aware of where Bush is, not allow and big plays from him. On offense, Peterson must take over the game, break a couple of big runs, take the pressure off Frerotte.

And, for the Vikings to have any shot to win, Brad Childress must miss the flight to New Orleans.

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Some people don’t believe in God, claiming he doesn’t exist. (You still with us Cyn?) Although this video doesn’t conclusively prove God exists, it does prove that the angel of death does.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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Introducing Rebar Man

Rebar man campaigned hard this year for the coveted 2008 Dark Zone Best Costume Award. He was seen canvassing every booth at the Halloween trade show in Las Vegas. As you can see, Rebar man used a broken piece of rebar and jammed it into his forehead lodging it in his skull. At that point, he was good to go.

On a scale of 1-3 with three being the best, add your vote for Rebar man in the comments section.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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Halloween is coming,
The goose is getting fat.
Please drop a nickel in the old man’s hat.
If you don’t have a nickel,
A penny will do.
If you don’t have a penny,
Then God Bless You
Then you’re a bloody stingy fuck,
And we’re gonna toilet paper and egg your house.

This year the Halloween Dark Zone has plenty of tricks and treats for you. From some very sexy sirens, outlandish costumes, ghost stories, wild video’s, scary demons, big ripe melons, haunted house tips, urban legends, and our own special blend of all things Halloween. Check back daily as we will be updating continuously throughout the month of October.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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President George W. Bush Economy Legacy

The United States is in danger of a financial collapse not seen since the great depression of the 1920’s. Failed George Bush policies are determined to be the primary blame for the financial debacle. Bush was confident the house would vote affirmative for the $700 billion dollar bailout of the troubled Wall street institutes. The House voted against the bill and the DOW dropped over 700 points, the biggest drop in its history.

This explains the video above. A Bear market begging for help.

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Ref To Gus: If You Play Dead, They Won’t Sack You Anymore!

In my preview posted a few days ago, I wrote the keys to winning this game for each team. See if this sounds familiar.

“For the Titans to win: Pressure Frerotte into mistakes. Run the ball effectively. Minimalize penalties. Collins to make the right throws.

For the Vikings to win: Sack and pressure Collins. Frerotte to control the passing game. Peterson needs a big game. Defense needs a few sacks and a turnover. Are you listening Jared Allen and Ray Edwards?”

The Titans did exactly what they needed to do. Result! A victory. As for the Vikings, not so much. Result! Another loss.

Where shall we start the critique this week? Today, we start with Brad Childress. Coach Childress is 1-3 this season giving him a career record of 15-21 in 36 games. Childress wants to be known as a quarterback developer and the architect behind his so-called kick ass offense.

Reality, he is fast becoming known as a coach who risked his entire coaching career on a second round draft reach in the name of Tarvaris Jackson who was projected as a 6th round pick. Also known to be stubborn not changing his game plan when it falters claiming that his kick ass offense will work if executed correctly. And somebody buy this Ass Clown a watch. Please at least look like you give a damn about clock management.

The Vikings committed 7 penalties today. Childress came to the Vikings to clean house, change the attitude of the players, on and off the field. There will be no love boat soap opera’s going on under his regime. However, plenty of stairwell escapades and night club brawls. And oh yes, plenty of penalties.

Let’s look at some of the penalties that contributed to the Vikings loss today:

Titans are driving, its third and 8, Collins throws an incomplete pass forcing a punt. But wait, Jared Allen was called for off sides giving the Titans five more yards and another chance. The result, a first down and a touchdown.

On the second half opening drive, Vikings record two penalties forcing a punt.

On their next possession, Vikings get flagged for delay of game on the very first play. How the hell does that happen?

The Titans kick off and Hicks returns the ball to the 33 yard line giving the Vikings good field position. But wait, a penalty for holding puts the ball at the 14 yard line instead. Peterson then rips off a 15 yarder but its called back for a holding penalty. The result, a punt.

Moving on to clock management. The Vikings got the ball with 3 minutes and 40 seconds left in the second quarter. They have no time outs left and are behind by 10 points. They run two plays in the span of one minute and 40 seconds allowing the two minute to stop play before they can get the third play off.

Same drive, a holding penalty kills a 10 yard run by Peterson.
Same drive, a perfect pass to Berrian is dropped that would have been a touchdown. Berrian dropped another pass earlier in the game as well. Two more dropped passes this year and he will have to change his name to Troy Williamson.

Staying with Childress but moving to game management, Vikings have a 3rd down and one, and Peterson is on the bench. Result, a punt. At least have him in the back field to keep the defense honest. We need one yard, and Peterson is one of the best running backs in the league and the best player on the Vikings offense. Why in hell is he sitting on the bench? When the 49ers needed a play, did they sit Jerry Rice or Roger Craig on the bench? Or when Dallas needed a play, did they sit Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith on the bench?

At the end of the game, the Vikings have the ball at their two yard line with 4 minutes left. They have one time out left. On first down, the Vikings are forced to burn the last time out to avoid a penalty of delay of game. But wait, the Vikings needed that first down, they should have let the flag drop and take a one yard penalty.

Does it sound like I’m bitter, that I’m piling on? Well, I’m not. Look at the Vikings past two season under Childress. And the first four games of this year. This is what fans can expect for the rest of 2008 and any future seasons under Childress. Plenty of talent at every position except quarterback. Plenty of stupid ass penalties, and absolutely zero concept on clock management.

To the game itself.

Gus Frerotte was 25-43 for 266 yards and the game ending interception. 58% completion. Alas, if not for Berrian’s butter fingers, his stats woulda coulda shoulda.

Speaking of Troy Williamson, (That will be Berrian’s new name until he starts holding onto the god damn ball.) He had five catches for 78 yards. He should have had 7 catches for 143 yards and a touchdown.

Shiancoe held onto the ball today. Four catches and no drops. That is what you are supposed to do.

Adrian Peterson had 80 yards on 18 carries, 4 catches for 22 yards, and two rushing touchdowns. Damn good for a regular back. Below average for A.D.

Jared Allen. Zero Sacks. Wait a minute. Entire defense zero sacks.

Cedric Griffin better learn to cover unless he wants to be the toast of the town week in and week out.

The Vikings are about three losses away from seeing rookie quarterback JD Booty. If the Vikings fall to 1-6, Booty will get the nod to see what he has. Hopefully, we won’t see him, but alas, its only a matter of time.

On a side note: On Petersons 28 yard touchdown run, he was horse collared and yanked out of bounds. Yet, no penalty was called. I would bet a fine will be issued next week after the review of the film.

Another call that had a major impact on the outcome of the game was the bad spot on a 4th down play by the Titans inside the ten yard line. The Titans needed to get just inside the one yard line for a first down. The receiver was stuffed at the two, and spun and bumped attempting to get free and move forward to get a first down. He never got past the two yard line and in fact fumbled the ball at the three. However, the referee spotted the ball inside the one and signaled first down. The Titans scored and led to their victory.

I believe the Vikings will be receiving a letter of apology from the league next week for the bad call from the referee. That one play could have very well determined the success or failure of the Vikings 2008 season.

The Vikings travel to New Orleans next Monday to play the Saints. If I were Childress, I would lay it all out on the table. Instead of his bland offense, I would run draws, misdirection plays, screens, have both Taylor and Peterson in the back field. Take the ball downtown. On defense, blitz. And then blitz. And then blitz some more. if you allow Brees to set and throw, he will pass for over 400 yards on the Vikings.

Are you listening Childress? I hope you are. You are now formally on the hot seat.

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Last week Patty and I jumped in the Jeep and headed South and didn’t stop till we reached Gatlinburg, Tennessee. After we checked into our hotel, we headed to the top of the Smoky Mountains to Ober Gatlinburg, an amusement park with ski lifts, alpine slides, water slides, and other assorted novelty rides.

In the center of the park was the big Blue Cyclone Rapids. 108 steps later, we were at the top. I jumped into the tube and positioned my self ever keeping the camera steady. The attendant was saying something about taking care of the camera cause he had the slide going really wet.

A quick push and……..
Click the play button to see the rest….

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In 1998, then Viking quarterback Brad Johnson was injured in game two and the veteran backup Randall Cunningham came in and relieved him. For the rest of the season, Cunningham, the strong armed crafty veteran, guided the Vikings to its best season in their history breaking all the offensive records a team covets.

Last week, Tarvaris Jackson, the current Vikings quarterback, was benched in favor of Gus Frerotte, the crafty veteran with the strong arm. So far, history has repeated itself as the Vikings won for the first time this season.

The Vikings travel to Tennessee this weekend to play one of the best teams in the AFC. The Titans boast the 3rd best ranked defense in the league. Kerry Collins is filling in nicely for the injured Vince Young completing a solid 61% of his passes. The running game has stepped up as Lendale White is bruising inside the red zone and rookie Chris Johnson leads the AFC in rushing. The Titans defense is league best with 7 interceptions this season.

Gus Frerotte gets the nod for his second start this season. (Rumor has it that Tarvaris Jackson has several of his neck chains up for sale on E-Bay) However, this time, its an away game. We all know how poorly the Vikings play at away games. Gus must be on his game, no lapses, or he will pay dearly. He will need a 60 plus completion percentage rate to win.

The receivers must hold onto the ball. (That means you Shiancoe, don’t think just because you caught one pass that you are paid millions to do so that you are off the hook.) Hopefully Sidney Rice is healthy enough to suit up.

How’s that hamstring Adrian? According to him, its perfect, fine, no pain, no twinge. Peterson has 340 yards rushing so far this year, but we haven’t seen the long breaker yet. (Yes, we are now spoiled because Peterson doesn’t have a 50 yarder yet this year.) I believe he springs one loose on Sunday. The Titans will be playing very aggressive on the fron line stacking the box. Peterson will bust through the line and see open road ahead.

As expected, coach Brad Childress opened the play book a little wider last week. It will need to be wide open this week. Make the Titans pay dearly for stacking the line. Send Berrian deep early and often. When he’s gassed, send Allison deep. Make the safeties turn their back. Inject screen plays, draw plays, and the long ball. Keep the Titans on their heels.

For the Titans to win: Pressure Frerotte into mistakes. Run the ball effectively. Minimalize penalties. Collins to make the right throws.

For the Vikings to win: Sack and pressure Collins. Frerotte to control the passing game. Peterson needs a big game. Defense needs a few sacks and a turnover. Are you listening Jared Allen and Ray Edwards?

SKOL VIKINGS!

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A disturbance in the Hollywood hills last night as a report came in that a giant beaver was spotted in prone position with legs spread wide open. A complete set of DJ equipment was at the beavers side.

After intense study, the Grassy Knoll Institute has determined that the beaver is of giant alien origin and it was collected and transported to an undisclosed location for more tests.

Alas, Lindsay Lohan is highly disappointed.

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Amanda Tapping - Sexy Woman In Uniform

Amanda Tapping, born in 1965 makes her 43 years sexy. (Notice how fast I was with the math) Tapping is best known for playing Colonel Samantha Carter in the Sci-Fi television series Stargate SG-1. In the series, Tapping played the role of a covert military operative traveling to other solar systems to battle alien enemies of Earth. Mostly, her wardrobe consisted of military fatigues. But sometimes, during sweeps weeks, she was dressed to thrill.

This October, Tapping unveils another Sci-Fi series, Sanctury, which was a webisode series in 2007. She brings it to the SciFi channel October 3rd. She plays Dr. Helen Magnus who battles villains with super powers. Enjoy the photos.

Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens brought to you by the Grassy Knoll Institute marketing team to boost readership and placement on search engines.

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As an unwritten rule, (And that’s all we have around here at the secret lab) the Grassy Knoll Institute does not participate in meme blogs or award type blogs. Instead, we have an open door policy concerning information and personal inquiries. You ask us a question, we will give you an answer. You may not like the answer, (Hey, we may not like the question so we’re even) but that’s how we roll.

However, being the Curator of this blog, I am capable of bending the rules whenever I see fit. (ie, I asked Patty for permission and she said OK) This is one of those times.

Just the other day the Grassy Knoll Institute was bestowed a much righteous award, (The Kick Ass Blogger) from the blogger extraordinaire Chica-X. Chica resides over at Blogger. (Don’t hold that against her) here’s a little bit I found out about her.

*Chica has three children, all boys.
*She wears her heart on her sleeve.
*As well her tattoo. (Or so I’m told)
*Chica’s main squeeze is the mysterious Gman. He knows how to kill bee’s real good.
*Chica’s favorite number is 69. (Or so I’m told) (Gman’s is 77 cause it’s 8 more)
*Chica knows the meaning of Capricious. (I don’t)
*Chica is a kick ass blog designer. Her designs are impulsive, daring, capricious, and functional. Go ahead and ask her, she’ll tell you.
*Chica is a meme freak.
*And also a friend.

It would be in your best interest to click the links to her blog and sit a spell over there and learn something for a change instead of staying here reading about my Giant Aliens and true to life conspiracy theories. (Just come back when you’re done, ya hear!)

My instructions are to select 5 other bloggers who I deem “Kick Ass” but I don’t follow rules. I’m a rebel without a clue. So, simply gaze to your right, find my blog roll, and click every single link there and visit them all. That’s why they are in the roll.

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Where The Streets Have No Name

A giant alien guitar was discovered today on the Virginia - Tennessee border at a rest stop on Highway 81 as busy travelers were winding up their Summer vacations and getting back to their normal lives. The guitar was placed so it did not block traffic and was viewed as just another roadside attraction until until a coded message was discovered at it’s base.

Of course, the Grassy Knoll Institute was contacted to investigate being experts in the field of Giant Alien culture. The rocket scientists at the institute are strumming their brains out and are at the edge of their wits in attempting to decipher this encrypted message.

So far, it is believed the message is coordinates to a specific place to springboard an alien invasion against the Earth. You to can help us decode the message which is below. Any and all leads submitted will be investigated as only the Grassy Knoll Institute can. The message is below.

The cities a flood
And our love turns to rust
Were beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled into dust
Ill show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name

We think the first line is referring to New Orleans, flooded by the hurricane Katrina.

The second line is believed to be a reference to an old steel company now vacant and dormant rusting in the field.

The third and fourth line seem to describe the Detroit Lions season so far. This is purely conjecture on our part though.

The fifth and sixth line describes a mountain top area, such as near the Grand Canyon.

The seventh line is believed to reference a trail, with no markers, but a road known to well by the locals.

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Even Joe Montana Had An Off Day

Normally every quarterback that faces the Viking defense puts up career type numbers as the pass defense is annually ranked at the bottom of the barrel. Today however, the defense came to play in all aspects. Of course, the Panthers could not run against the Vikings being held to 47 yards on the ground. The surprise came on the passing defense. Delhomme was 17-29 for only 191 yards for 59% and no TD passes. A good effort no doubt, but not stellar numbers.

Does Brad Childress look like a genius now! Now hold on a second. The Vikings committed 9 penalties for 100 yards today. Lets put this in a little more focus. The Panthers on their first possession pick up a 15 yard penalty against Griffin for face masking. The 15 yards helped the Panthers kick a 43 yard field goal. Without the penalty, they were out of range.

On the Vikings first possession, two offensive penalties are committed. One a false start by Peterson and another on Cook for holding after Peterson ripped off 12 yards and first down. Result, Vikings punt.

In the second quarter, the panthers are driving but the Vikings stop them on third and six. However, Gordon gets called for pass interference giving the panthers a new set of downs. The result, Panthers move the ball and score a TD.

In the 4th quarter with the Vikings leading 17-10 and driving, needing a TD to put the game away, Taylor catches a screen pass from Frerotte and scores from 14 yards out. Play is nullified by a holding penalty. On the next play, on third and 11, Peterson catches a swing pass and takes it 17 yards to the six for a first down. Play is nullified by holding penalty. Vikings settle for a field goal.

As you can see, penalties can be devastating. The Vikings didn’t dodge a bullet today. They dodged a bazooka. Since Childress took over three years ago, the Vikings are one of the most penalized team. These penalties add up and have cost the Vikings many wins the last two seasons. I know penalties happen, but if Childress wants to be considered a guru, he needs to cut down the penalties.

MVP of the game. There is no doubt, it is Antoine Winfield. Winfield not only sacked Delhomme, he forced a fumble and picked it up and scored tying the game at 10 just before halftime. Winfield’s play sparked the vikings and when they came out in the third quarter, marched down the field and scored an offensive touchdown. They never looked back from there. This one play by Winfield could very well be the turning point for the Vikings season.

So much for all the talk on the message boards that Jared Allen wears out as the game goes on and becomes ineffective in the fourth quarter. Today, Allen pressured Delhomme all day and recorded a sack in the fourth quarter and smacked Delhomme’s hand creating an errant pass. Two sacks in three games.

Kevin Williams also came to play. Two sacks today. The team recorded 5 sacks total today. The defense allowed a paltry 204 total net yards. That is a dominant performance.

Switching to offense. Adrian Peterson was a game time decision to play. He tweaked his hamstring in last weeks game. Peterson rushed for 77 yards on 17 carries for a respectable 4.5 yards per carry. Chester Taylor saw considerable action rushing 11 times for 44 yards and catching 3 passing for 22 yards.

Onward to the receivers. Tight End Shiancoe opened the game catching a pass for 5 yards and then dropping a pass that would have been a first down. However, shiancoe did redeem himself catching a 35 yard TD pass putting the Vikings up 17-10.

Bernard Berrian started out shaky. He dropped a perfect pass that was intercepted. However, he also redeemed himself with three catches for 79 yards with a significant 48 yard catch.

Sidney Rice did not play but Wade (3 catches for 35 yards) and Ferguson (1 catch 9 yards) and Allison (1 catch for 5 yards) filled in admirably.

That’s about it! Did I leave anything out? Oh yea, the Vikings had a quarterback change today.

A Change Would Do You Good

Gus Frerotte was 16-28 for 204 yards, one TD, one interception, for a 57% completion rate. And he won the game. Frerotte went down down several times today connecting big several times. He also looked off the defenders and completed the standard passes that Tarvaris Jackson was incapable of doing. At the age of 37, he still has a cannon, pocket savvy, and enough scrambling ability to escape the sack.

I know it is but one game, but the more he plays with the first team, the better his timing will be. Carolina is a very good team so Gus passed a very difficult test. As the weeks go on, and he stops throwing the ball to Shiancoe, perhaps his completion rate will creep into the middle 60’s percentage. And I didn’t notice any gold chains around Frerotte’s neck during the game.

SKOL VIKINGS!

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