Ohio State Buckeye Football Conspiracy

The Ohio State Buckeyes played Ohio last Saturday, a MAC team at home. The Buckeyes were expected to win by a large margin. Halfway through the third quarter, Ohio was beating the Buckeyes 14-6 and on the move. The announcers were chirping in saying perhaps the #3 ranked Buckeyes were looking ahead to next Saturday’s showdown against #1 ranked USC at California or that perhaps the Buckeyes were not deserving of such a ranking. The Buckeyes went on to win the game but many doubts remained about this years team and their quest for the BSC championship.

The line for Saturday’s game (USC vs OSU) is 11. The Buckeyes are huge underdogs, as every sports reporter in the country has told you, USC are giant killers in the month of September. The Buckeyes don’t have a chance against USC, especially the way they played against Ohio last week. To pile on, Heisman trophy candidate Beanie Wells, OSU’s star running back, is doubtful for the game.

What is really on the line for this game?
If USC defeats the Buckeyes, it will solidify their #1 ranking and more than likely propel them into the BCS championship game. If the Buckeyes win, it will move them up to at least #2 and solidify them as a serious contender for the BCS championship game. A loss by any of these teams, and the BCS championship game is gone.

Coach Tressel is no stranger to big games. His team has played in three BCS national championships in the new Millennium winning one going a perfect 14-0 for the season. He knows what it’s like to win and to lose the big games. He has also set the stage for this game on Saturday.

Watching the Buckeyes against Ohio, I noticed that the offense was very vanilla. Standard trap running plays. No misdirection. No long bombs. No roll outs. Simply the old 3 yards and a cloud of dust offense favored by legend and former coach Woody Hayes. I mention this because of film study. Or lack of film study. USC has no real film on Terelle Pryor, the Freshman quarterback, (6′ 6″ - 235 pound) who will see plenty of action this season, especially against USC on Saturday. He played very little in the first two outings, and always played with the second and third team unit. Never with the starting cast.

Speaking of keeping things close to the sweater vest, Beanie Wells is listed as doubtful for Saturdays game. This makes USC prepare and spend more time working on their defense with and without Wells. All USC has seen so far is Senior quarterback Todd Boeckman in a pro set with Wells in the backfield. Imagine USC’s surprise if Pryor comes out under center in the second series. With the starting offensive line. In the spread offense with Wells in the backfield. Pryor’s strength is his power and speed. Imagine him rolling out forcing the linebackers and safties to commit. Imagine Pryor either taking the lane to move the chains or flipping the ball back across field to Wells with the defense flowing away from him.

Coach Tressel realizes the magnitude of this game so early in the season. He realizes it’s a good thing that the Buckeyes are huge underdogs, double digit points, and that every sports beat writer have written them off for this year. It brings the team together, binds them with one goal and purpose. He realizes that the powers that be the BCS coalition are hoping for a Buckeye loss although they won’t come out and say it, but want to avoid a three peat at the BCS championship game. He also realizes that USC may be overconfident while the Buckeyes are backed into the corner with nothing to lose but with something to prove.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes Tressel is playing a little game of cloak and dagger, a ruse, subterfuge if you will by not showing USC any usable film footage, or whether or not Pryor will see considerable action, and keeping a wrap on the supposed Wells injury.

The Odyssey of the Buckeyes trials and tribulations over the past three seasons have fortified and strengthened their ranks. Several star players (Who are considered gods) could be playing in the NFL but opted to stay one more year for King and country. Saturdays game will be a hard fought contest, with many fierce battles. A contest leaving no weapon unused, and to the victor, the spoils.

As for USC, Greek mythology speaks of the mighty Trojans falling to an invading army from the East, succumbing to a ruse, a Trojan horse, a gift to pay homage to all that is Trojan. The Trojans were overconfident then, and overconfident now.

Hell, even Goliath took one on the chin now and again.

Go Buckeyes!!

O.H.I.O

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Big Foot Update

Stopping By Woods On A snowy Evening

Big Foot is back in the news as a tandem of Big Foot hunters happened upon a dead carcass in the woods of Georgia. They claim the carcass is the mythical half man, half ape beast that has eluded them for many years.

A press conference held Friday in Palo Alto revealed the DNA test results from the creature and failed to prove Big Foot was captured. The DNA samples came from human origin and the other from an opossum.

Of course, this was a hoax, some sort of conspiracy to that will assuredly introduce some sort of product or other news not connected to the Bigfoot sighting. Viral advertising at it’s best.

In the meantime, Big Foot is still on the loose. The photo above was taken just two days ago by a team of Grassy Knoll Institute Bigfoot hunters. As the photo suggests, Bigfoot was startled at the flood lights as they quickly illuminated the thick night woods of Mill Creek Park in Youngstown, Ohio.

Alas, the beast made a quick getaway into the woods running at an amazing rate of speed. The hunt is still on and the Grassy Knoll Institute vows not to rest until this creature is found and captured.

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George Carlin’s Last Words

Comedian George Carlin, passed away June 22nd, 2008 of heart failure. He was taken to emergency after complaining about heart pains. He died a short time later at the hospital. Carlin had a history of heart attacks

For Carlin, no subject was off limits. Sex, drugs, politics, actors, actresses, human race, religion, the weather, and even death itself. Carlin had his own genius spin and view of the human race and all of it’s glory and faults.

Urban legends are already racing across the Internet like a California wildfire on what George Carlin’s last words were. Some of the rumors I believe to surface are:

Goodbye.

I’m coming Brenda. (His late wife)

Nixon assassinated Kennedy. (Everyone already knows that)

Tonight’s forecast, Dark. Continued to stay dark all night. scattered light in the morning. (One of his bits)

Please god, don’t let me die. (Carlin was dead set against religion and God. He did not believe in God, a supreme being, the devil, the afterlife. To him, once you die, thats it. No bright light, no vestal virgins, no heavens gate. Just emptiness) I believe this one will make the rounds claiming Carlin at the end, returned to his faith and pleaded for mercy.

But the Grassy Knoll Institute has a different opinion on Carlin’s last words. A showman and comedian to the end, perhaps he uttered the one line that made him famous. From the seven dirty words you cannot say on television. (Shit, piss, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker, cunt, and tits)

That would be George Carlin.

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Lorna Doone Cookie Conspiracy

Lorna Doone Cookie Conspiracy

Traveling to work today I glanced at the local gas station and saw the price was $3.89 per gallon. I guarantee it will only be a matter of time before gas stations adjust their pumps and begin selling gas in half a gallon quantities. $1.95 per half gallon appears better than $3.89 per gallon.

It appears that cookie maker Nabisco has already created their own less is more attitude for their famous Lorna Doone brand cookies. Upon inspection of the Lorna Doone contents, you can clearly see that the cookie wraps do not reach the top of the box. Not even close. And, to make matters even muddy, one of the wrappers had two cookies less than the other. Nabisco cannot blame content settling when one wrapper has less than the other.

Expecting a lower price? Hardly! The cost was ironically $3.89 per box. I wonder if Nabisco will be selling half boxes for $1.99 anytime soon?

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Kennedy Assassination Second Shooter Proof

A signed confession on a U.S. dollar bill printed in the year 2000 is positive proof that Oswald did not act alone.

If it were Oswald who signed the dollar then the bill would have had to be dated 1963 or before. This one is clearly marked 2000 making it impossible for him to have signed it.

Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that a second assassin was lurking on the grassy knoll that fateful day in November 1963 and took aim at John Kennedy as he was riding in the motorcade and completed the assassination of our 35th president.

The Grassy Knoll Institute rocket scientists can only speculate as to why the assassin came forward after 40 plus years of silence to confess assuming that perhaps this man (FBI handwriting experts have already determined that a man wrote this confession) is dying and wished to clear his conscious before he passed away.

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