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The Statues Are Alive In Here

Posted by LOTGK on March 31, 2011


Statues Come Alive

Back in late January, I was at the Halloween trade show hosted in Houston, Texas. This trade show caters to everything Halloween with literally thousands of booths selling costumes, candy, decorations, props, and even True Blood and Zombie Blood energy drinks.

Throughout the show aisles, there were hundreds of full-sized movie props. I spied a life-like Michael Myers from the movie Halloween, Freddy Kruegger from Nightmare On Elm Street, Jason from Friday The 13th, even the Stay Puft Marshmallow man. And of course some very sexy women dressed is adult Halloween costumes.

My company was located on one of the main aisle rows but our view was obscured by a granite statue of a woman with wings attached. The statue was set atop a granite pedestal. As work would have it, the show was under way and the floor got plenty busy with buyers looking for the best Halloween deals.


This Statue Just Moved

About a half hour later I took a glance down the row and saw our statue. But something was different. The statue had moved. The position and pose was different.

I immediately thought of the English Television science fiction program, Doctor Who. In one episode the Doctor battled a race of aliens who were “Live” statues. As long as you were looking at the alien statues, they wouldn’t move. But take your eyes off them for just one second and they would move against you. It was exactly what my statue was doing. (Yes, this statue was now mine. I would know it’s secrets)

Another hour passed and the statue had changed several positions but never at a time when I was watching. A little while later, a show employee came over to the statue and to my amazement, she stepped down off the pedestal with the employee’s help and walked away. Holy shit! It wasn’t a statue at all, but a woman. She must have amazing muscle control to stay completely still for long periods of time.

Sixty minutes or so passed and the statue girl returned. The employee helped her back on the pedestal and she assumed a pose. I decided to put her to the test. I made eye contact with her and gave her the universal signal of “I’ve got my eyes on you” (Two finger peace sign pointing to your eyes and quickly rotating them to point at the person you were watching.) She was now on notice and I would see her move.

Continuing to watch, many people walked by and were astonished at how life-like the statue girl was. Many people took almost the same photograph as the photo’s above. Some would talk to her hoping to make her move. I likened it to tourists attempting to make the English Royal Guards at Buckingham Palace smile or move. She did not fail. She stood tall and proud. And damn it, I didn’t see her move again until the employee came to assist her down for her break.

Our dance continued for the rest of the day. Me trying to get a glimpse of her moving and changing positions and she being a perfect statue. I finally got a break late in the day and went over to talk to her. Having observed the other people who attempted to do the same, I knew it would be a one way conversation.

As I approached her, I could see her eyes shifted and she was looking at me. I asked her a favor, and said I would certainly understand if she couldn’t grant my request. After all, this was her job.

What I asked was: I would like my buddy to take a picture of her and me. Not just a standard picture that everyone else was taking but a unique one. I told her that I was going to turn my back to her and when I did, I wanted her to change her pose and pretend to strangle me. (Secretly she was probably thinking that anyway)

Attacked By A “Living” Statue

She didn’t speak or move except for a sly wink of her eye to me which I took as a yes. The above photo is the result of my request.

I am opening up the Grassy Knoll Institutes feast day, April Fools Day, with this post that has all the elements of a most excellent prank. There will be ten more posts on April 1st, each a little more bizarre than the previous. I hope everyone sticks around and visits tomorrow offering your comments. (Contrary to popular belief, this blog does not live on a good tasting corned beef sandwich alone)


Back To April Fool’s Archives


20 Responses to “The Statues Are Alive In Here”

  1. Gumby said

    Sorry dude, wrong post on that last one. :)
    She stood there all day like that and never moved. You couldn’t pay me enough.

  2. Anti-christ said

    I see you’ve met my guardian of Hell. She’ll warm up to you.

  3. Max Jackl said

    She does look like she is enjoying the choking. :)

  4. Green Hood said

    I’m just saying, look at her nipples. They are hard as granite.

  5. Valdunagan said

    I’ll bet people got in line to choke you after that photo. She was a great sport for doing that.

    • LOTGK said

      I don’t do requests…
      However, there were about two dozen people around when the picture was taken so I’m sure I’m on the Internet somewhere. Under choking angel or something.

  6. Evil-Lep said

    I’d bet she is smoking hot under that makeup.

  7. Urban Legend said

    Is that the grassy knoll web owner?

  8. Rico Swaff said

    That is awesome. It’s actually a pretty cool idea for a costume.

  9. Rico Swaff said

    Btw, it’s very cool that you met the guy who invented the Billy Bob teeth. I’ve definitely gotten usage from them.

    • LOTGK said

      Yea, when I walked into their trade show booth, Bailey had a dentists white coat on and there was a dentists chair and an assistant dressed in a white nurses uniform. I sat in the chair and he fitted my Billy Bobs to my own teeth. It took about 15 minutes. Now-a-days, it only takes minutes.
      I’ll be wearing a pair tonight.

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Grassy Knoll Institute

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Sladewilson: The War Journal Vol. 2

Entertainment Reviews - Video Games, Music, Television, Movies for the urban warrior... Adult Themes. Parential discretion advised...

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