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50 Shocking Predictions For 2011 By The Curator

Posted by LOTGK on January 2, 2011

At this time every year, I the Curator of the Grassy Knoll Institute focuses my psychic abilities to steal a glimpse into the future. I then reveal 50 bold predictions for the 2011 year. What follows may shock you, may make you laugh and cry, and  probably down right false. However, in 2010, I correctly predicted the controversy surrounding Lady Gaga, The Tiger Woods incident, FORD motor company, Labron James leaving Cleveland, The U.S. economy, and many more successful predictions.

Lets see how good my clairvoyant powers fare for the 2011 year. Check back regularly as predictions come true or fall short. (Nostradamus has nothing on me)

01) Wesley Snipes, through a legal loop-hole, gets out of jail early. Two years early.
02) Lindsay Lohan has a normal year, no jail time, no illicit drug use, not showing up bombed at events. She actually attends her AA meetings regularly.FAILED: Lindsay has been in and out of court all year and is now serving 90 days under house arrest.
03) ABC Network producers pitch a Lost movie sequel, a continuation of the Lost castaways.
04) The Atlanta Falcons win the Superbowl.FAILED: The Falcons lost to the Packers and are sitting at home wondering what the Hell happened.
05) The Boston Celtics win the NBA championship. Kobe is pissed.FAILED: Celtics lose the semi’s.
06) Auburn wins the BCS National Championship.SUCCESS: Cam Newton led the Tigers to a perfect season and the BCS championship.
07) Sarah Palin, while protecting Alaska from an invasion from Russia, thwarts her own kidnapping attempt.
08) Osama Bin Laden will be captured. SUCCESS: President Obama announced last night 05/01/2011 that Bin Laden was killed in a fire fight in Pakistan.
09) Kim Kardashian gets married. It won’t last six months. SUCCESS: KARDASHIAN MARRIED CHIR HUMPHREYS LESS THAN 3 MONTHS AGO AND FILED FOR DIVORCE TODAY, 10/31/2011
10) Facebook will become the most viewed web site, outscoring even the search giant Google.SUCCESS: Facebook becomes the most viewed page, even more than Google. Face Book Rank
11) Microsoft will announce a new program that will be open source.
12) Jennifer Anistan gets engaged.
13) AMC channel The Walking Dead becomes a top 10 program.SUCCESS: Walking Dead is the most watched cable program of all time. Walking Dead Ratings
14) NBC’s “The Event” gets canceled.SUCCESS: NBC announced the Event will not return and not even SYFY network could turn it around.
15) The Cincinnati Reds win the World Series.FAILED: Cincy didn’t come close.
16) Brett Favre finally retires. For good this time.SUCCESS: Brett Favre signs his retitrement papers and reaches out to Green Bay for a ceremonial sighing so he may retire as a Packer.
17) Brett Favre gets divorced.
18) A fifth Indiana Jones movie is announced.
19) Sean Connery will reprise his role as secret agent 007.
20) A radical new Internet connecting device will sweep the land making your online presence almost as being in real-time.SUCCESS: Google Plus now has 10 million users and adding millions per day. It is the Facebook killer.
21) Harry Potter finale will be the biggest movie of the year.SUCCESS: Harry Potter Finale has become the biggest movie of all time, not just the year.
22) Will Farrell’s movie will tank, no matter what it’s called.
23) Charlie Sheen goes on a bender, winds up in Rehab. SUCCESS: After a hard week of partying and porn stars, Sheen checks himself into rehab.
24) Chelsea Handler gets married.
25) Conan O’Brien rolls out a new line of slim wear, “The Conan Jeggings.”
26) Unseen footage of the late night talk show host legend Johnny Carson is uncovered, the footage becomes a smash hit for NBC.
27) American Idol tanks in ratings. Simon is smiling. SUCCESS: The ratings are in and American Idol ratings are down 30% without Simon.
28) A metallic object is scanned and found to be embedded deep in the Earths crust. Origin is unknown.
29) The Minnesota Vikings announce they will move out of the state of Minnesota.
30) Twitter gets knocked offline for several days, a new start-up social page picks up steam in its place.
31) Leslie Frazier becomes the new head coach for the Minnesota Vikings. SUCCESS: Vikings named Frazier head coach today, 01/03/2011
32) Miley Cyrus is arrested for drug use.
33) Jessica Simpson is pregnant. SUCCESS: SIMPSON CONFIRMED THE RUMORS THAT INDEED SHE IS EXPECTING HER FIRST CHILD. 10/31/2011
34) Pope Benedict will survive an assassination attempt.
35) Tiger Woods gets his life back on track and wins a major tournament. SUCCESS: 12/04/2011 – Woods wins the Chevron World Challenge by one shot over former Masters champion Zach Johnson.
36) Key evidence from the John Kennedy assassination will be uncovered. This evidence will shed light on a conspiracy involving the government and elected officials.
37) Science Fiction television series V will be cancelled this year. SUCCESS! V was not picked up for a third season. 
38) Hugh Hefner sires a child with new bride Crystal Harris. FAILED: Harris bolted on the old man before the wedding.
39) Megan fox will divorce Brian Austin Green.
40) Kate Middleton, future wife of Prince William, winds up pregnant.
41) The boy band N’Sync will reunite for a tour.
42) Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart call it quits.
43) Johnny Depp wins the elusive Oscar this year. FAILED: Depp was locked out of the Oscars. Perhaps next year Johnny.
44) The Grand Canyon Sky Walk will shut down due to equipment failure almost allowing the walk way to give way.
45) Justin Beiber will debut a new hair style.SUCCESS: On February 5th Saturday Night Live program, Beiber debuts a new hair style while on the skit with Dana Carver playing the church lady.
46) Snooki from the Jersey Shore has a situation of her own, she’s pregnant.
47) Jennifer Lopez will divorce Marc Anthony. Money will be the contributing factor. SUCCESS: J-Lo announced the divorce on July 4th, How befitting, it’s Independence day.
48) Gas prices will tip over $4.00 per gallon.SUCCESS: Gas prices rocketed to $4.15 per gallon over the weekend.
49) Taylor Swift gets engaged.
50) MySpace social network becomes insignificant, attempts to reinvent itself, but alas, to no avail. SUCCESS: Myspace created a new interface for users and a new email system. The new interface is not working as droves of people are closing their accounts signaling the death march for Myspace. R.I.P. 2011

There you have it folks. Fifty bold predictions to keep you satisfied until 2012, which, coincidentally, is the end of the world.

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60 Responses to “50 Shocking Predictions For 2011 By The Curator”

  1. Rosie said

    50 already happened about two years ago.

  2. danielle said

    Chelsea Handler gets married? to who?

  3. Valdunagan said

    Yes, Beiber gets a new du, hopefully a manly one.

  4. Gumby said

    The Reds to win the series. The Reds? Really?

  5. Anti-christ said

    #2 will not come true. I have already been whispering in Lindsay’s ear on how to celebrate her release. Her dad is already owned by me.

  6. LOTGK said

    Bang! Three days into the new year and #31 is accurate.
    31) Leslie Frazier becomes the new head coach for the Minnesota Vikings.
    Today the Vikings named Frazier head coach. 01/03/2011

  7. Max Jackl said

    Serious, are you kidding me, V gets canceled. Damn!

  8. jungljim69 said

    I think you hit 10 already. Read it in USA Today yesterday or Tuesday

    • jungljim69 said

      yep, this was announced 2 days ago;
      For the first time ever, U.S. Web surfers visited the social networking site more than any other site in 2010, beating out Internet behemoth Google, according to a report from Hitwise, an Internet analytics firm.

    • LOTGK said

      I saw that, I am going to update shortly.

  9. Moominboy said

    You have high thoughts about miss Lohan :P

  10. Lead Scientist said

    We’re all hoping number 39 comes true.

  11. LOTGK said

    04) The Atlanta Falcons win the Superbowl.FAILED: The Falcons lost to the Packers and are sitting at home wondering what the Hell happened.

  12. LOTGK said

    06) Auburn wins the BCS National Championship.SUCCESS: Cam Newton led the Tigers to a perfect season and the BCS championship.

  13. LOTGK said

    10) Facebook will become the most viewed web site, outscoring even the search giant Google.Facebook becomes the most viewed page, even more than Google. Face Book Rank

  14. LOTGK said

    13) AMC channel The Walking Dead becomes a top 10 program.SUCCESS: Walking Dead is the most watched cable program of all time. Walking Dead Ratings

  15. LOTGK said

    16) Brett Favre finally retires. For good this time.SUCCESS: Brett Favre signs his retitrement papers and reaches out to Green Bay for a ceremonial sighing so he may retire as a Packer.

  16. LOTGK said

    23) Charlie sheen goes on a bender, winds up in Rehab. SUCCESS: After a hard week of partying and porn stars, Sheen checks himself into rehab.

  17. LOTGK said

    27) American Idol tanks in ratings. Simon is smiling. SUCCESS: The ratings are in and American Idol ratings are down 30% without Simon.

  18. LOTGK said

    45) Justin Beiber will debut a new hair style.SUCCESS: On February 5th Saturday Night Live program, Beiber debuts a new hair style while on the skit with Dana Carver playing the church lady.

  19. LOTGK said

    50) MySpace social network becomes insignificant, attempts to reinvent itself, but alas, to no avail. SUCCESS: Myspace created a new interface for users and a new email system. The new interface is not working as droves of people are closing their accounts signaling the death march for Myspace. R.I.P. 2011

  20. marian said

    My predictions for 2011 is Justin Bieber fever will fade when he is 21 people will get tired of seeing him on tv and everywhere?
    Miley Cyrus will suffer a big burnout trying to cash in while shes still hot making enough money so she can retire? Michael Douglas will die from Cancer?
    Burt Reynolds health issues is immient he will die this year as well as Elizabeth Taylor. Zsa Zsa Gabor suffers enormous health issues and she will die sometime in 2011 the world has lost a beauty and comic. New evidence on old crimes will be solved by students at the university studying csi forensic crime Arrest will be made on the JonBennet Ramsey case the world will be in for a shock as who killed JonBenet Ramsey?
    William and Kate will have two children two boys one will resemble Diana his mother? More Hollywood crimes will be solved Grace Kelly Jayne Mansfield cases will be reopened by the police due to public demand? People will invest in gold and lose their shirts in this stock foreign stocks global overseas stocks will rise and Korea and Iran is a possibility of styarting a war maybe with China a third world war 3
    the world will not end as of 2012 December 12/ More pverty house foreclosures and famine in the USA People will get tired of television and shows and start spending more time with their kids by doing healthy activities and grades go up in America?

    • LOTGK said

      Wait a minute, Beiber is just 17, yet you project four years from now. You titled your post predictions for 2011.

      And Zsa Zsa had her leg cut off due to infection and she is on deaths door.

      • Rosie said

        Elizabeth Taylor had already been in hospital for several weeks with congestive heart failure when she posted that, too.

        Somehow, I doubt the Royal Couple will be having two sons this year, either.

        Oh, and I hear Michael Douglas is doing much better, these days.

        • LOTGK said

          The difference, I make 50 picks that will happen in 2011. If i had the luxury of expanding the time frame to several years, I would be a hell of lot more accurate.

  21. Francine said

    Elizabeth Taylor died. Some psychic you are. You missed that badly.

    • Facepalm said

      I rather think you’re missing the whole point of these posts.

    • LOTGK said

      Yes, she did. God rest her soul. I heard that the funeral was delayed for 15 minutes, on Taylors request, she wanted to be late to her own funeral.

      And Francine, come back and see me in late December and see how well I did for this year.

      I just want to say, and not trying to be crude, but Taylor was gravely ill, as is Zsa zsa Gabor, but alas, I left those two out of the mix.

      However, I did peg Michael Jackson’s death. And other significant hits.

  22. Francine said

    And #2 is wrong. Lohan is in court for half a dozen offense. Wrong.

  23. LOTGK said

    08) Osama Bin Laden will be captured. SUCCESS: President Obama announced last night 05/01/2011 that Bin Laden was killed in a fire fight in Pakistan.

  24. LOTGK said

    43) Johnny Depp wins the elusive Oscar this year. FAILED: Depp was locked out of the Oscars. Perhaps next year Johnny.

  25. LOTGK said

    48) Gas prices will tip over $4.00 per gallon.SUCCESS: Gas prices rocketed to $4.15 per gallon over the weekend.

  26. LOTGK said

    02) Lindsay Lohan has a normal year, no jail time, no illicit drug use, not showing up bombed at events. She actually attends her AA meetings regularly.FAILED: Lindsay has been in and out of court all year and is now serving 90 days under house arrest.

  27. LOTGK said

    05) The Boston Celtics win the NBA championship. Kobe is pissed.FAILED: Celtics lose the semi’s.

  28. LOTGK said

    14) NBC’s “The Event” gets canceled.SUCCESS: NBC announced the Event will not return and not even SYFY network could turn it around.

  29. LOTGK said

    47) Jennifer Lopez will divorce Marc Anthony. Money will be the contributing factor. SUCCESS: J-Lo announced the divorce on July 4th, How befitting, it’s Independence day.

  30. LOTGK said

    20) A radical new Internet connecting device will sweep the land making your online presence almost as being in real-time.SUCCESS: Google Plus now has 10 million users and adding millions per day. It is the Facebook killer.

  31. LOTGK said

    21) Harry Potter finale will be the biggest movie of the year.SUCCESS: Harry Potter Finale has become the biggest movie of all time, not just the year.

  32. LOTGK said

    09) Kim Kardashian gets married. It won’t last six months. SUCCESS: KARDASHIAN MARRIED CHIR HUMPHREYS LESS THAN 3 MONTHS AGO AND FILED FOR DIVORCE TODAY, 10/31/2011

    Damn, I hit another one.

  33. LOTGK said

    33) Jessica Simpson is pregnant. SUCCESS: SIMPSON CONFIRMED THE RUMORS THAT INDEED SHE IS EXPECTING HER FIRST CHILD. 10/31/2011

    I’m on fire.

  34. LOTGK said

    37) Science Fiction television series V will be cancelled this year. SUCCESS! V was not picked up for a third season.

  35. LOTGK said

    35) Tiger Woods gets his life back on track and wins a major tournament. SUCCESS: 12/04/2011 – Woods wins the Chevron World Challenge by one shot over former Masters champion Zach Johnson..

  36. Marian said

    Marian said; Fopr 2012 I see more job losses and bank foreclosures many banks will close there will be more hollywood younger stars on drugs and alcohol more hollywood deaths of older celebrities. I see gold skyrocketing and then a very big crash on the stock market many people will lose their savings. Television will bring back some of the older television series on TV lost in space land of the giants bonanza big valley partridge family the clean shows of yesterday television shows with moral code ethics. People will want to see these shows again take all inthe family a big hit oif the seventies threes company. I see many people opening shelters a no kill shelters in the united states as people are getting rid of their pets
    due to financial reasons or loss of jobs. Many animals will be dumped at the spca this year more so than ever before. A 60 percent increase on food and vegetable items this year due to back weather and an increase in gas prices as well aas heating oil. Houses will not be affordable and people family members will shack up as they cannot afford to pay their mortagages a real increase as family members move in together to save money. Lots of people will have sad christmas holidays as there are people who have so little while others have so much the people who have so little will receive a miracle something good will come to people who have so little?More churches will open and help to feed the people three times
    a day more lineups everywhere people will b e desperate

  37. Colin K said

    Indiana Jones 5 WAS announced.

    http://screenrant.com/steven-spielberg-jurassic-park-4-indiana-jones-5-crystal-skull-benm-137768/

    Microsoft released Drupal (CMS) as open source
    http://gcn.com/articles/2011/01/25/ecg-open-source-drupal-7-cm-system.aspx

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