50 Shocking Predictions For 2011 By The Curator
Posted by LOTGK on January 2, 2011
At this time every year, I the Curator of the Grassy Knoll Institute focuses my psychic abilities to steal a glimpse into the future. I then reveal 50 bold predictions for the 2011 year. What follows may shock you, may make you laugh and cry, and probably down right false. However, in 2010, I correctly predicted the controversy surrounding Lady Gaga, The Tiger Woods incident, FORD motor company, Labron James leaving Cleveland, The U.S. economy, and many more successful predictions.
Lets see how good my clairvoyant powers fare for the 2011 year. Check back regularly as predictions come true or fall short. (Nostradamus has nothing on me)
01) Wesley Snipes, through a legal loop-hole, gets out of jail early. Two years early.
02) Lindsay Lohan has a normal year, no jail time, no illicit drug use, not showing up bombed at events. She actually attends her AA meetings regularly.FAILED: Lindsay has been in and out of court all year and is now serving 90 days under house arrest.
03) ABC Network producers pitch a Lost movie sequel, a continuation of the Lost castaways.
04) The Atlanta Falcons win the Superbowl.FAILED: The Falcons lost to the Packers and are sitting at home wondering what the Hell happened.
05) The Boston Celtics win the NBA championship. Kobe is pissed.FAILED: Celtics lose the semi’s.
06) Auburn wins the BCS National Championship.SUCCESS: Cam Newton led the Tigers to a perfect season and the BCS championship.
07) Sarah Palin, while protecting Alaska from an invasion from Russia, thwarts her own kidnapping attempt.
08) Osama Bin Laden will be captured. SUCCESS: President Obama announced last night 05/01/2011 that Bin Laden was killed in a fire fight in Pakistan.
09) Kim Kardashian gets married. It won’t last six months. SUCCESS: KARDASHIAN MARRIED CHIR HUMPHREYS LESS THAN 3 MONTHS AGO AND FILED FOR DIVORCE TODAY, 10/31/2011
10) Facebook will become the most viewed web site, outscoring even the search giant Google.SUCCESS: Facebook becomes the most viewed page, even more than Google. Face Book Rank
11) Microsoft will announce a new program that will be open source.
12) Jennifer Anistan gets engaged.
13) AMC channel The Walking Dead becomes a top 10 program.SUCCESS: Walking Dead is the most watched cable program of all time. Walking Dead Ratings
14) NBC’s “The Event” gets canceled.SUCCESS: NBC announced the Event will not return and not even SYFY network could turn it around.
15) The Cincinnati Reds win the World Series.FAILED: Cincy didn’t come close.
16) Brett Favre finally retires. For good this time.SUCCESS: Brett Favre signs his retitrement papers and reaches out to Green Bay for a ceremonial sighing so he may retire as a Packer.
17) Brett Favre gets divorced.
18) A fifth Indiana Jones movie is announced.
19) Sean Connery will reprise his role as secret agent 007.
20) A radical new Internet connecting device will sweep the land making your online presence almost as being in real-time.SUCCESS: Google Plus now has 10 million users and adding millions per day. It is the Facebook killer.
21) Harry Potter finale will be the biggest movie of the year.SUCCESS: Harry Potter Finale has become the biggest movie of all time, not just the year.
22) Will Farrell’s movie will tank, no matter what it’s called.
23) Charlie Sheen goes on a bender, winds up in Rehab. SUCCESS: After a hard week of partying and porn stars, Sheen checks himself into rehab.
24) Chelsea Handler gets married.
25) Conan O’Brien rolls out a new line of slim wear, “The Conan Jeggings.”
26) Unseen footage of the late night talk show host legend Johnny Carson is uncovered, the footage becomes a smash hit for NBC.
27) American Idol tanks in ratings. Simon is smiling. SUCCESS: The ratings are in and American Idol ratings are down 30% without Simon.
28) A metallic object is scanned and found to be embedded deep in the Earths crust. Origin is unknown.
29) The Minnesota Vikings announce they will move out of the state of Minnesota.
30) Twitter gets knocked offline for several days, a new start-up social page picks up steam in its place.
31) Leslie Frazier becomes the new head coach for the Minnesota Vikings. SUCCESS: Vikings named Frazier head coach today, 01/03/2011
32) Miley Cyrus is arrested for drug use.
33) Jessica Simpson is pregnant. SUCCESS: SIMPSON CONFIRMED THE RUMORS THAT INDEED SHE IS EXPECTING HER FIRST CHILD. 10/31/2011
34) Pope Benedict will survive an assassination attempt.
35) Tiger Woods gets his life back on track and wins a major tournament. SUCCESS: 12/04/2011 – Woods wins the Chevron World Challenge by one shot over former Masters champion Zach Johnson.
36) Key evidence from the John Kennedy assassination will be uncovered. This evidence will shed light on a conspiracy involving the government and elected officials.
37) Science Fiction television series V will be cancelled this year. SUCCESS! V was not picked up for a third season.
38) Hugh Hefner sires a child with new bride Crystal Harris. FAILED: Harris bolted on the old man before the wedding.
39) Megan fox will divorce Brian Austin Green.
40) Kate Middleton, future wife of Prince William, winds up pregnant.
41) The boy band N’Sync will reunite for a tour.
42) Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart call it quits.
43) Johnny Depp wins the elusive Oscar this year. FAILED: Depp was locked out of the Oscars. Perhaps next year Johnny.
44) The Grand Canyon Sky Walk will shut down due to equipment failure almost allowing the walk way to give way.
45) Justin Beiber will debut a new hair style.SUCCESS: On February 5th Saturday Night Live program, Beiber debuts a new hair style while on the skit with Dana Carver playing the church lady.
46) Snooki from the Jersey Shore has a situation of her own, she’s pregnant.
47) Jennifer Lopez will divorce Marc Anthony. Money will be the contributing factor. SUCCESS: J-Lo announced the divorce on July 4th, How befitting, it’s Independence day.
48) Gas prices will tip over $4.00 per gallon.SUCCESS: Gas prices rocketed to $4.15 per gallon over the weekend.
49) Taylor Swift gets engaged.
50) MySpace social network becomes insignificant, attempts to reinvent itself, but alas, to no avail. SUCCESS: Myspace created a new interface for users and a new email system. The new interface is not working as droves of people are closing their accounts signaling the death march for Myspace. R.I.P. 2011
There you have it folks. Fifty bold predictions to keep you satisfied until 2012, which, coincidentally, is the end of the world.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL