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Elite Sniper School Test Revealed
Posted by LOTGK on April 1, 2010
I want to thank everyone who put up with our rapid fire Grassy Knoll Institute Ion news delivery today. We promise, things will get back to normal in less than 30 minutes. We now return control of the Internet back to your computer. As an added bonus, or burden depending on your perspective, we will offer up one more update today. Many have emailed us asking if we are hiring and what it takes to work at the secret lair of the Grassy Knoll Institute. Read below (Me) and if you answer the same way, you need serious fucking help.
In the quest to be battle ready against the vanguard of giant aliens roaming the earth bent on dominating humankind, the Grassy Knoll Institute has established an elite first line of defense sniper school. Only the best of the best marksmen need apply.
Upon approval, candidates will be put through 6 months of rigorous training to hone aim, skill, and mental state. Those select candidates that complete the training will be given one final verbal test consisting of only one scenario.
This is how one such candidate answered out query scoring a perfect 100% grade.
Here is the scenario you must act upon and answer to complete your training.
You are positioned in a tree dressed in full camouflage. The tree is on the edge of a clearing. The clearing is your kill zone. Your mission is you must kill the first thing, whatever it will be, that enters the kill zone, and you must kill it with your first shot. Until you have completed this mission, you must sit in that tree. You must not move, eat, drink, pee, or anything else, lest you scare your target away.
After you have been sitting in that tree for twelve hours, seeing the weather change from the hot sun into a driving cold rain not moving a muscle, a six-year old girl enters the clearing, with a baby on her arm. What is the very first thing that you feel?
“Sir, recoil, Sir!”
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Steven Blade said
If I get to shoot giant aliens and other assorted nasties, where do I sign up. My answer, i wouldn’t wait for the target to reach the clearing, I’d open fire as soon as I seen movement. Do i get the job. What does it pay. When do i start. And where.
Gumby said
Good answer. Good answer.
LOTGK said
Sorry Steven, but your reply was the last part of the test. Asking the pay scale is a no no. You should want to protect the world without being compensated.
Gumby said
All quiet here today. Knock knock! Are you sleeping, come on, get on with the alien conspiracy and JFK was a Martian posts.
:0
LOTGK said
Yes, took a couple days off. I’m letting the rocket scientists run the show for a few.
Gumby said
And i see one of your scientists was arrested this morning in sweden. He claims he is from the future and came back to stop the Hadron Collider acceleration for fear it ending the world as we know it. I can see that you have been busy.
LOTGK said
Yes, isn’t that just great. A man claiming to be from the future, rooting around in the garbage looking for fuel for his time machine. You cannot make these things up.
Chuck D said
That’s not made it, its from Back to the future. Dumbass.
LOTGK said
chuck, we were talking about the real life incident,… Never mind.