Giant Aliens Attack On St. Valentine’s Day

Giant Aliens Attack Manhattan On St. Valentine’s Day!

As couples walked hand in hand on the busy streets of Times Square, New York on St. Valentine’s Day, Giant Aliens launched an offensive strike penetrating American Star wars defensives with an alien arrow missile. A Grassy Knoll Institute scientist snapped this incredible photo nanoseconds before it exploded. The inscription on the missile was deciphered to read, “We come in peace!”

More updates as they come in.

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Hammer Of The Gods

February Update – Winter Of Discontent

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods,
Will drive our ships to new lands.
To fight the horde and sing and cry,
Valhalla, I am coming!

On we sweep with, with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the Western shore.

The Minnesota Vikings Metrodome lease expires in 2011 leaving just 24 more games left for the Vikings before they move out of the state. Yes Viking fans, they will move because the Minnesota legislature are not going to approve a new stadium. Hell, they approved a new Twins stadium and a new Gopher stadium, but when it came down to the Vikings stadium, they were treated like red headed step children. Can you say LA Vikings!

Seriously, the Vikings are being openly courted to move to a new stadium in Los Angeles, California. And why wouldn’t they. Viking fans can thank Governor Tim Pawlenty.

Brett Favre, Former Green Bay Slacker quarterback and current New York Jets quarterback, announced his retirement this week to the world. (Again!) (To Viking fans, this means six more weeks of speculation) Seriously, rumors have surfaced again that he wants to play for the Vikings and will somehow finagle his way to do it.

A couple problems here. One, Favre is 40 come this season. He needs surgery. He fizzled at the end of last season. And oh yea, he has the NFL record for most interceptions in a career.

To rectify this ugly rumor, the Vikings need to act swiftly and sign free agent quarterback Jeff Garcia. He runs the West Coast Offense very well, very mobile, accurate, smart, and has a live enough arm to get it done. Garcia is a perfect fit for the Vikings for the short term. We all know Tarvaris Jackson is not ready and J.D. Booty may have what it takes, but he needs to ride the pine at least one more season. Garcia can take this team to the next level. And that level is the superbowl.

Matt Birk! I don’t know what you did to piss off Chilly, but you are now a free agent. Perhaps it was your all pro work ethic that pissed him off. Or your team leadership, or your anchored presence on the offensive line and in the locker room. Perhaps it was your charity work with the Minnesota community that angered Chilly. I hope you resign with the Vikings but totally understand if you look elsewhere. Your backup Sullivan is completely unproven and the entire offense, nay, the entire organization will suffer if you choose to seek employment elsewhere.

Three former Viking players were eligible for the Hall of Fame this year. Randall McDaniel, Cris Carter, and John Randle. Only Randall McDaniel got elected in. McDaniel was an all pro selection 12 straight years and continues to be a pillar to his community.

Cris Carter again got dissed. Why? I really don’t know. Let’s look at his career stats. Cris Carter – 16 seasons – 234 games – 1101 receptions – 13899 yards and 130 touchdowns. These stats are second to only one receiver in the history of the NFL. Jerry Rice.

John Randle. I remember the face paint and his tenacious play on the field. Randle ended his career with 137.5 sacks, which happens to be the most in NFL history for a defensive tackle. And yet, Randle gets passed by.

Next week, free agency season opens and the Vikings need to dip into the talent pool once again and with about $20 million under the cap, they have the money to do it. The iron is hot, it’s time to strike. Here’s what the Vikings need to do this off season.

* Sign Jeff Garcia. Garcia is the perfect quick fix for the Vikings. He can command the offense than the existing quarterbacks on the team right now. With Garcia under center the Vikings would be legitimate Superbowl contenders.

* Resign all pro center Birk. Birk has been the anchor for the line for years and is the protection caller. if he is not back at center in 2009, the offense will take a steep decline in production.

* Sign another quality starting caliber receiver. Berrian is drawing all the attention because seriously, Wade, Ferguson, Allison and Rice were not scaring any defenders. Sidney Rice is injury prone, and if he can stay healthy for an entire season, Hell, I’d take six straight games, he would be a good starting receiver.

* Sign a right guard and right tackle linemen.

* Sign a cover corner.

* Use the #1 draft pick for best receiver on the board.

Enjoy the 2009 season Vikings fans for 2010 will bring a change of address for the team. The writing is on the wall. Pawlenty and the Minnesota legislature will not open up a dialog for a new stadium which in essence forces the Vikings to seek a stadium elsewhere. With the Vikings in the 49th ranked media market, there are plenty of cities chomping at the bit to sink their teeth into an NFL team.

BTW, Los Angeles is the #2 media market in the nation.

SKOL VIKINGS!

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Stump The Neener – Volume 53

It’s Time To Play Stump The Neener Volume #53

Since everyone did so well on Stump The Neener Volume 52, I am staying with this format for one more round. Below are three clues that describe the key plot lines to the three movies below.
Warning! The clue won’t be an exact quote, like, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!” (Gone With The Wind) The first person with all three correct wins. Good luck. If you get stumped, ask for help, we will reply and offer even more clues.

Bonus Clue: None of the movies below are from Dirty Dancing!

1) To my big brother George, the richest man in town.
Name that movie:

2) What, did our kids grow up to be assholes or something?
Name that movie:

3) Its under a big “W” I tell you. A big W.
Name that movie:

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Crowne Plaza Hotel Room Service – Chicago

Sometimes when I’m on the road, I am just to tired to go out for dinner. At those times I rely on room service. Sometimes you get the bull, sometimes the bull gets you. Today, I got the bull. As in a side of beef.

I was in Chicago for a trade show and stayed at the Crowne Plaza Hotel, just a quarter mile from the convention center. The flight was long and late. Tonight I would dine in room. I dialed up room service and ordered a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and an appetizer of chicken planks. And of course a Coke.

Twenty minutes later there was a knock at my door. My dinner had arrived. I signed and tipped and the waiter was on his way.

As you can see, the portions were huge. I underestimated the generosity of the Crowne. The bacon was crisp, thick, spicy, and hot. Three thick pieces covered the burger. The cheese was spicy and was also generous. The burger itself was a half pound of grade A beef. Perfectly cooked and juicy. The bun was lightly toasted and buttered. Combined, it was one hell of a cheeseburger.

On to the chicken planks. Lightly golden browned, crisp, tender chicken, with just the right spices. Very good. And let’s not forget the fries. Very crisp, not soggy and undercooked. Very little grease present on them. And they were hot and very tasty.

All this for around $25 dollars with tip and room charge. Pretty damn good.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 3.5 out of 5 shots and recommends the cheeseburger from the Crowne Plaza hotel in Chicago for dinner.

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