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Fantasy Football Tips From The Experts

Posted by LOTGK on September 4, 2008

The NFL regular season debuts tonight at 7pm. Fantasy Football team coaches have had their draft and submitted their starting lineups. Many questions will be answered early on such as:
Was Browns quarterback Derek Anderson a fluke or a bonafide all star?
Does Chargers RB Tomlinson still have gas in the tank?
Will Vikings DE Jared Allen have double digit sacks?
Will Patriots QB Brady and WR Randy Moss continue their dominance?
And why the hell did McCain choose Palin for a running mate?
Either way, it’s to late to turn back now. The die is cast.

With that said, the Grassy Knoll Institute bestows our infinite wisdom to all fantasy Football League coaches.

Quarterback: Tom Brady, New England Patriots. Tremendous numbers last year, and although he won’t have a record smashing year, will still have 40 plus TD’s and 4500 yards passing. And that’s without a single snap in the preseason.

Stay away from Viking QB Tarvaris Jackson. He has too many ‘I’s’, as in Injury, Incompletions, Interceptions, Inconsistent. He is already listed as questionable for the opening game.

Kicker: Nate Kaeding, San Diego Chargers. This is a tough one but the Chargers score points and Kaeding will have ample opportunity to kick his three’s.

Stay away from the Ravens kicker, Jeff Stover. With a new offense, new head coach, and a rookie quarterback, this equation equals a low scoring offense.

Tight End: No, not Jessica Simpson. Instead, Dallas Clark, Indianapolis Colts, is the choice here. Although Jessica has it going on upfront, Clark is the complete package, including brains.

Stay away from Amy Winehouse. Seriously, stay away from the Bears Tight Ends, Clark and Olson. The Bears don’t have any receivers to speak of so the ends will be covered. And Orten is the starting QB

Running Back: Surprise! It’s not LT but another set of initials, AP, as in Adrian Peterson. The Vikings Peterson rushed for over 1300 yards and double digit TD’s even with an 8 man box. If free agent receiver Berrian can stretch the field, just a little, Peterson is going to run wild. Can we say 2000 yards and 20 TD’s. Yes we can.

Stay away from the Packers running back, Ryan Grant. With Favre gone from the backfield, the corners and safeties won’t be fooled on play action. Grant will see more 7-8 men fronts than before. That spells low production. And Rodgers hasn’t started an NFL game yet.

Wide Receiver: All receivers need to be in the limelight like Terrel Owens and Chad Johnson. They need that face time, crave the attention, feed on the controversy. But Randy Moss, New England Patriots is the winner this year. Moss caught 23 TD passes last season to break Jerry Rice’s single season record. He won’t get 23 this year, but he hits 20. Moss and Brady have something to prove. Seriously, they do. I can already hear reporters asking Moss if he was disappointed losing the super bowl and a perfect season with plenty of records broken.

Stay away from Colts receiver Marvin Harrison. He turns 56 years old in October and is coming off a severe injury. He has lost more than one step. More like an entire leg. He will catch passes just because Peyton is slinging the ball, but his numbers will be minimal.

Defense: Minnesota Vikings. Not only does the Viking defense score touchdowns on interceptions, blocked kicks, and fumbles, they are also one of the top 5 teams in over all yards against.

Stay away from the Bengals defense. In fact, stay away from all the players on that team. The franchise has imploded upon itself. They will win some games, score some points, but their defense will get beat more often than a red headed step child.

Sleeper Pick: Troy Smith, quarterback, Baltimore Ravens. Smith will start the season riding the pine but will see action by week 3-4 and will use his running skill to avoid sacks and pick up some extra yards. He has an adequate arm and good accuracy. Given the chance, he will be a good insurance policy.

Put To Sleep Pick: It’s a tie between J.T. O’Sullivan, 49ers QB and Kyle Orton, Bears QB. Both won the starting job from the incumbents. Alex (Trebeck is tougher than me) Smith and Rex (My head is to big for my helmet) Grossman. By mid-season, nay, before that, fans will be calling for their heads chanting for the backups to come in and save the team. Alas, the nightmare will continue for the season.

Rookie Pick: Darren McFadden. He has a snappy nickname, Run DMC. He also averaged 6 yards a carry in the preseason. I know, it was preseason, but the Raiders are going to use him a plenty. What better way than to keep pressure off QB Russell.

Here’s to an entertaining NFL season, may your team be the super bowl winner, (Vikings) and may your fantasy team kick ass.

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2 Responses to “Fantasy Football Tips From The Experts”

  1. Merv said

    I’d love to take a few snaps from Jessica Simpson.

  2. Gumby said

    I believe Tony Romo has that honor right now.

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