Return To The Mall

A trip to the Mall. Every teenagers dream huh. The problem? I’m 48 years old. Yet, on a Friday evening I had to make my way to the mall.Yes, I had a plan. Stop and get a quick haircut, then return a pillow that was a gift, get a present for my sister-in-law, (Thinking back now, maybe the pillow would have been the perfect re-gift) and of course get dinner on the run.

The three Pats, (Me, Patrick, my wife Patty, and my son Patrick, hence the three Pats) piled into the Jeep Liberty and began our journey.

The haircut went perfect as Patty went to look for a present for her sister. The boy, young Patrick, not wanting to be there, hung out with me keeping a grip on the pillow for return.

Patrick and I quickly made our way to Penny’s, up the escalator and right over to customer service. We were the only ones in line as two customers were being waited on already. A third woman, not helping anyone looked at me and then asked if she could help me. I said that I would like to return a pillow I received as a gift. The saleswoman stopped me right there and said that she couldn’t help me but thought that I wanted only to ask her a question. I looked at the boy, then made eye contact with the large pillow in the large box in a large return bag, then back at the saleswoman, and told her that yes, I wanted to return a pillow, and did not want to ask her questions. Even with my new haircut. She said to be patient and wait in line. I thought I was….

Several minutes later it was my turn. At least I hoped it was. Another saleswoman looked at me briefly, waved her fingers at me in a come hither fashion, (Yea baby, my new haircut was turning these ladies on) looked down at her computer and I slowly approached the counter. The Seinfeld episode about the soup nazi came to mind, (No soup for you, NEXT!) and I put the pillow on the counter. I said I would like to return the pillow and have it taken off my Penny’s charge. The saleswoman grabbed the bag, opened the box the pillow was in and inspected the contents going as far as squeezing the pillow.

I put my Penny’s charge card on the counter and gave the saleswoman my receipt. She grabbed it. I looked at my son and he was smiling a little. I then asked if she needed my credit card and she said “Yea.” Thats all, YEA! Not yes, not yes sir, just plain yea. This woman had not made eye contact with me yet. She grabbed my Penny’s card and it flew right out of her hand. I and my son chuckled a bit as she tried to retrieve the card.

A minute later, the transaction was complete, I signed my sales slip, and tucked my credit card into my wallet. As I was still standing at the counter, the ink not yet dried on my signature, the saleswoman called out “Next.” I looked behind me and there was no one else in line. Who was she talking to? She didn’t even say thank you, or have a nice evening.

Well, that went smooth. At this point I was hungry. I met Patty at the food court, our designated meeting point, and we decided on a pizza. Patty was ordering for us and I asked the sales girl what kind of pizza it was as I thought I heard her say a “Sheet” pizza. The sales girl, who couldn’t have been more than 18, smiled and said it was a round pizza. I said I thought I heard “Sheet” and didn’t want a square pizza, but a round one. Patty stopped the conversation and told me to go sit down, she would take care of the pizza. The sales girl smiled at me and chuckled a bit. I said that I’ll be over there sitting down with the boy.

Of course, they forgot our order and we had to wait more than 20 minutes for our pizza.

On our way out of the mall, I was fully expecting to see Rod Serling, creator of the TV Sci-Fi series, Twilight Zone, to be opening the doors for us uttering the words, “Going my way?”

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